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Say nutty things in a soft enough voice and you'll sound sane!


Ben Carson, having solved the problems of mass shootings and the Holocaust by explaining how to rush the shooters and/or fight off the SS using your handy hunting rifle, has moved on to weightier concerns, like the End Of Days. Happily, under President Carson, America won't have to worry about the world ending on his watch, because he'd tell everyone to rush the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, since they can't get us all.

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In this clip from an interview with CNN's Sharyl Attkisson, Carson explains that while his Christian faith is strong like bull, he also believes in separation of church and state, so good for him. Of course, in the full interview, he elaborates that the Constitution doesn't guarantee freedom from religion: "That's been an invention, quite frankly, of the secular progressives." He also repeats the good old rightwing discovery that the "whole concept of separation of church and state actually is not mentioned in the Constitution." Carson appears not to have heard of Thomas Jefferson's 1802 letter to the Danbury Baptists, instead claiming, "That was a Supreme Court ruling, several decades ago, where that phrase was entered."

Remember, this man wants to be president of the United States of America. Still, despite his total fuckheaded historical illiteracy, he says he believes in the separation of church and state, adding that there's no "constitutional reason that a person cannot live a life of faith." Attkisson drops the ball, however, by not asking if court clerks have to do their jobs if Jesus tells them not to.

Now, about that End Times thing: Attkisson asks Carson if, based on his understanding of the Bible and world events, "Do you think we're at the end of days?" This is, we suppose, a question that every presidential candidate should be asked, if only so we can sort out the ones who think there's no reason to deal with climate change since there won't be a planet at all in a few years. Carson avoids the prophesy question altogether and flips it on its head:

You could guess that we're getting closer to that; you do have people who have a belief system that sees this apocalyptic phenomena occurring and that they are a part of it, and who would not hesitate to use nuclear weapons if they gained possession of them.

Attkisson presses a bit more: Is it a prophetic inevitability, or can we avoid The End?

I think we have a chance to certainly do everything that we can to ameliorate the situation. I would always be shooting for peace. I wouldn't just take a fatalistic view of things.

OK, well that's actually reassuring. We think what Carson's getting at is that there are certain people with a nihilistic view of history who want to hurry along the End Times, so we shouldn't vote for evangelical Christians who want to hasten the Battle of Armageddon and the return of Christ, right? He was talking about them, obviously.

Or maybe Carson means that if Iran gets The Bomb, he'll tell them, "I believe the country you're looking for is over there," and point at Mexico.

[CNN / Full Measure ]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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