Trump doing presidential stuff, excerpt for the part about how he's gross and old now.

We make fun of Donald Trump for being a fucking lazy ass all the time. His schedule, as leaders of the free world go, is LIGHT. There are websites that track his millions of golf days. A go-getter, he is not.

But Axios is out with a new story that suggests that, as Trump's time in office continues, and as he becomes more and more of a "stable genius," if you know what we mean, his already light schedule is getting a HELL of a lot lighter. As in, the former stay-at-home mom who works at the high-end antique shop "just for something to do" now that her kids are grown is pulling harder hours than the president of the United States.

As we write this, it is 9:21 a.m. on the East Coast, which means the president is probably still pulling his pud in bed while he watches "Fox & Friends." When will he go downstairs to work? PROBABLY around 11:00 A.M., according to Axios. That's when "Executive Time" is over, because "Executive Time" is apparently the euphemism White House staffers put on his official schedule that actually means "ZZZZZZZZZ DON'T WANNA GO WORK YET." Or "ZZZZZZZ DON'T WANNA GO BACK TO WORK AFTER LUNCH YET." Or "ZZZZZZZZZZ GUESS I'LL CUT OUT OF WORK AT 2:30 PM TODAY, NOT LIKE ANYTHING IS GOING ON."

Check this shit out:

The schedule says Trump has "Executive Time" in the Oval Office every day from 8am to 11am, but the reality is he spends that time in his residence, watching TV, making phone calls and tweeting.

And then he has his intelligence briefing, usually, where he sticks his fingers in his ears every time somebody says Russia, then gets distracted until it's lunchtime, at around noon.

Axios gives examples from this week's official schedule, which is much easier to understand now that we know how to translate it:

On Tuesday, Trump has his first meeting of the day with Chief of Staff John Kelly at 11am. He then has "Executive Time" for an hour followed by an hour lunch in the private dining room. Then it's another 1 hour 15 minutes of "Executive Time" followed by a 45 minute meeting with National Security Adviser H.R. McMaster. Then another 15 minutes of "Executive Time" before Trump takes his last meeting of the day — a 3:45pm meeting with the head of Presidential Personnel Johnny DeStefano — before ending his official day at 4:15pm.

By our count, that is two hours and 15 minutes of actual work. Wednesday is about the same. Thursday sounds fun, as he appears to be taking the day off:

On Thursday, the president has an especially light schedule: "Policy Time" at 11am, then "Executive Time" at 12pm, then lunch for an hour, then more "Executive Time" from 1:30pm.

And by 6:30 PM, he will literally be eating cheeseburgers IN BED, if Michael Wolff's book is to be believed, and we don't see why it shouldn't be.

In response to the Axios report, Sarah Huckabee Sanders has some very official lies to tell the American public about how Donald Trump works very hard to run the country, while lying face down in a puddle of TWO SCOOPS OF ICE CREAM for most of the day, probably allegedly:

"The time in the morning is a mix of residence time and Oval Office time but he always has calls with staff, Hill members, cabinet members and foreign leaders during this time. The President is one of the hardest workers I've ever seen and puts in long hours and long days nearly every day of the week all year long. It has been noted by reporters many times that they wish he would slow down because they sometimes have trouble keeping up with him."

Whatever, Poot Lips.

Look, we get it. Trump probably can't handle the rigors of the job, because he simply doesn't have the stamina of Barack Obama or Hillary Clinton. But it's interesting to learn that his schedule is getting lighter and lighter, isn't it? Wonder why! It's almost like there's something going on and his handlers have correctly assessed that it's better for the world if they just let him lie around playing on Twitter and tell him he's doing really good presidenting that day, while the grown-ups downstairs actually run the country. (Not that they're doing a bang-up job of it, but, you know.)

As we type these last lines, it is 9:49 AM on the East Coast (and 8:49 AM where we live and this is the second post we've written today, not that we're comparing our work ethic to the president's or anything). Mister President Guy still has time for a nap before the nice men come to give him the dumb boring stupid intelligence briefing! Pull that blanky up all the way over your head, Donald, you've earned it!

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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