It's Time For Donald Trump's Daily Alabama Hurricane Watch, Starring Donald Trump!
MSNBC's Chris Hayes tweeted a very important question on Thursday:
What if the President *only* talked about Dorian and Alabama for the entire rest of his term. Like, it was literall… https://t.co/QZ5dPVmMWo— Chris Hayes (@Chris Hayes)1567699730.0
And yr loyal Wonkette tweeted back a very important answer:
@chrislhayes I mean, @chrislhayes, I think we might be about to find out— Evan Hurst (@Evan Hurst)1567700613.0
Guys, he's STILL DOING IT.
The following tweet was issued Thursday afternoon:
Remember, Donald Trump sent the tweet that started all this on SUNDAY. According to the White House, Trump stayed home from Poland so he could monitor the hurricane during every waking hour, so presumably on SUNDAY he had up-to-the-minute information. As we already covered thoroughly, any hint of a whiff of a tinker's damn of a fucking chance that Alabama was going to get a raindrop from this storm had gone out the window days before that. So what is Trump tweeting in this new tweet, sent yesterday afternoon? Shit from a full week ago.
Of the three pictures in that tweet with exact dates, two are dated LAST THURSDAY and one is dated LAST FRIDAY.
Philip Bump from the Washington Post notes on Twitter that he's already been over this, but that if you actually read the maps Trump tweeted right there, even they say that at that time there was only a five percent chance Alabama would get WHOOSH WIND! from Hurricane Dorian. If you'll recall, the tweet Trump sent on Sunday said Alabama will "most likely be hit (much) harder than anticipated." Which ... we guess that could be true if you were only anticipating that there was about a one percent chance beforehand. Sure, Donald.
What the fuck is wrong with OH SWEET GULLYWASHING CHRIST PLAYING A BONE-DRY GAME OF CORNHOLE ON AN ALABAMA BEACH BECAUSE THE WEATHER'S GREAT AND THERE AIN'T NO GODDAMNED HURRICANE, HE TWEETED AGAIN:
And again, he is referring to a tweet from LAST FRIDAY, when there was a slight chance the red Alabama clay might get some rain from Dorian. But we bet Alabama feels better, to have the president cradling them in his warm Big Mac-cy meat paws, during this time of sunshine-y crisis.
AND THEN! You didn't think he was about to let this go, did you? The fuck you say! AND THEN Trump got Rear Admiral Peter J. Brown, who is his homeland security and counterterrorism adviser, and who is again a god-danged rear admiral, to release a statement saying "Nuh uh! Donald Trump is the real knower of the hurricanes!"
Before the Trump administration, we bet people thought Rear Admiral Peter Brown was a no-nonsense straight-shooter who did a real good job rear admiral-ing (no buttsex jokes). Now look at him (no buttsex jokes).
AND THEN! Please enjoy this thread about Trump calling Fox News reporter John Roberts into the Oval Office so he could say how right he was about Alabama the whole time, except the part about how Alabama hasn't had any hurricanes this week:
So it keeps going.... After his 3 pm live shot today, Fox Sr WH correspondent @johnrobertsFox was beckoned to the… https://t.co/NMnsT5aMYV— Jake Tapper (@Jake Tapper)1567724095.0
All of this happened yesterday afternoon. If your dad did all of this yesterday afternoon, you'd be taking him to get his head checked this morning.
The president is a very unwell man. Literally all he had to do was say "DERP DERP DERP DERP STUPIDEST PRESIDENT EVER STRUCK AGAIN." Or, if he didn't want to say that, he coulda just said, "I messed up, didn't realize Alabama was out of the woods by the time I sent my tweet. Oh well, I should focus on my job, which is being president of the United States!"
But yet here we are. Chris Hayes, we think we're going to get an answer to your question.
Also, if the eventual Democratic nominee doesn't do this, then they're just no fun:
Whoever gets the nomination should 100% open the first debate with, “So that hurricane never came close to Alabama,… https://t.co/8hpxOeaIIh— Mike Drucker (@Mike Drucker)1567692189.0
At press time, the president hadn't tweeted about Alabama hurricanes yet on Friday morning, but give him time, and give his bowels a chance to move. It's on its way, like a hurricane that's passing Alabama entirely.
UPDATE: His bowels are in motion:
The Fake News Media was fixated on the fact that I properly said, at the beginnings of Hurricane Dorian, that in ad… https://t.co/xbmq9l9POT— Donald J. Trump (@Donald J. Trump)1567780186.0
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