Jack In the Box Kowtows To Common Sense, Moms, And Wimps And Won't Allow Guns In Store
Let’s set the stage. You are drunk and/or high, and need a burger. You go to your local Jack in the Box. Just as you are ordering, the French fries start attacking you. Luckily, you are strapped, so you are able to defend your freedom or stand your ground and Second Amendment those fries to hell. Phew, good thing you had that gun, because fast food joints can be scary places. What’s that? Gun-grabbing ninnies are about to side with the terrorist anti-freedom fries?
Moms Demand Action for Gun Sense in America is thanking Jack in the Box for its statement out today that it will begin enforcing the company’s no-firearms-in-stores policy.
Fuck us, man. This is scary. Will someone please tell us how scary? Perhaps Daily Caller can bring this into perspective?
Why do these moms demand mass shootings?
This is just the type of level-headed, even-handed journalism we need to protect ourselves from these moms that clearly want to turn every Jack in the Box into Newton times Columbine plus Navy Yard! Stupid moms -- why do they love mass shootings so much?
First off, what brought this about? Is there some sort of story that these anti-liberty gun-grabbing moms are pointing to?
The company’s statement comes in response to a social media campaign and national petition launched just over 24 hours ago by Moms Demand Action to ask Jack in the Box to enforce its policy after last week’s semi-automatic rifle carrying demonstration at a Fort Worth Jack in the Box store that terrified employees so much that they locked themselves in the freezer, according to local police.
Pussies. Instead of outlawing guns, perhaps Jack in the Box should just teach their employees how to handle Constitution-loving Americans. Hell, we’ll do it for free. Just add this to all new employee training manuals:
If a person comes into the store with a gun, it is Jack in the Box policy to ensure that they are a good guy with a gun, not a bad guy with a gun. All employees who observe someone entering our stores with a gun shall ask, “Excuse me, sir/madam. Are you a good guy with a gun or a bad guy with a gun?”
Done! Problem solved! If they are a good guy, then serve them! If they are a bad guy, call the police. So simple! Better yet, why not arm all the cashiers! That way, they could just shoot the bad guys (hint: brown) with guns, and compare weapons with the good guys (hint: white).
Daily Caller also makes some good points:
Most mass shootings occur in “gun-free zones,” because mass-shooters don’t care about signs. A “gun-free zone” is the safest place you can be, if you don’t want to get killed while you’re shooting people.
Hahaha, that is hilarious! Flippantly writing about gun-free zones, like lots of schools, is so hilarious, because it is true that those ARE the best places to mass murder people! And we all know that mass murders usually pick locations to kill people not based on any personal vendetta or mental defect, but it ALL depends on whether or not it’s a gun-free zone! Like military bases!
So no one at all should donate to Moms Demand Action, because they are the pro-mass-murder people. You would think that moms would want to protect people from being mass murdered, but these bitches be crazy.
Follow DDM on Twitter (@Wonksplainer), unless you hate freedom.