Jailbird Congressman Michael Grimm's #METOO: I Was Bad-Touched By The FBI!

This fucking guy again! Not even Haley Joel Osment can see his political career, and yet here he is trying to have a #METOO moment. No, he wasn't sexually harassed. Although there was that one time the former Congressman threatened to throw a reporter off the balcony of the the US Capitol Building, as one does.

No, no, you’re not man enough, you’re not man enough. I’ll break you in half. Like a boy.

Eat your heart out, Greg Gianforte! Some wiseguy reporter asks about that campaign finance shit, and you let him know you're from Staten Island, amirite? BOOM! Spoken like a man who got caught bangin' some chick in the crapper at a Brooklyn wine bar. Allegedly! Classy!

Grimm did eventually plead guilty to felony tax evasion for underpaying the undocumented workers he hired to staff his restaurant called, we shit you not, "Healthlicious." Then he resigned from Congress in 2014 to spend eight months threatening to break other dudes in half in federal prison.

But now he's out, New York! And he wants to share his own #METOO story of victimization with you, because he, too, was badtouched by that man James Comey. If he's guilty of anything, it's of loving America TOO MUCH, which made him a target of those evil supervillains, Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama:

Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


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