James O'Keefe Tries To Get CNN Reporter Onto His Dildo Lube Boat

CNN is doing a documentary on the three or four people who are young American conservative activists, so they decided they would follow around that criminal James O'Keefe, the guy who made those ACORN videos and tried to rape Mary Landrieu's phones. But you know the one thing they weren't expecting? They weren't expecting James O'Keefe to try to lure CNN reporter Abbie Boudreau alone onto a boat filled with dildos and lube and a "condom jar" and "fuzzy handcuffs" and "an obvious sex tape machine," so this is precisely what he did. Presumably it was to record himself raping her, of course, but O'Keefe says it was just a goof. Huh?

Thankfully, Boudreau was tipped off by O'Keefe's female colleague, Izzy Santa. (Haha, IS HE SANTA? IS HE?)

"I noticed [Santa] had a little bit of dirt on her face, her lip was shaking, she seemed really uncomfortable and I asked her if she was OK," Boudreau said. "The first thing she basically said to me was, 'I'm not recording you, I'm not recording you. Are you recording me?' I said, 'No, I'm not recording you,' and she showed me her digital recorder and it was not recording."

Santa told Boudreau that O'Keefe planned to "punk" her by getting on a boat where hidden cameras were set up.

Haha, "punk'd," that is a thing hip young people say in 2010.

CNN got hold of a document that supposedly is O'Keefe's plans.

"Instead, I've decided to have a little fun. Instead of giving her a serious interview, I'm going to punk CNN. Abbie has been trying to seduce me to use me, in order to spin a lie about me. So, I'm going to seduce her, on camera, to use her for a video. This bubble-headed-bleach-blonde who comes on at five will get a taste of her own medicine, she'll get seduced on camera and you'll get to see the awkwardness and the aftermath.

Oh, we get it! It's because all attractive women want to have sex with James O'Keefe. How can you resist that O'Keefe charm? CNN won't like it very much when their reporter is forced to have sex with him on a boat! (Forced as in forced by her amazing sexual attraction to him, not rape or anything like that.)

This is why CNN should not employ women. They're too liable to want to fuck James O'Keefe.

Also included in this story? This hilarious list of items in the boat!

Equipment needed

a. Video

1. hidden cams on the boat

2. tripod and overt recorder near the bed, an obvious sex tape machine

b. Props

1. condom jar

2. dildos

3. Music

a. Alicia keys

b. 80s romance songs, things that are typically James

c. avoid Marvin Gaye as too cliche

4. lube

5. ceiling mirror

6. posters and paintings of naked women

7. playboys and pornographic magazines

8. candles

9. Viagra and stamina pills

10. fuzzy handcuffs

11. blindfold

Looks like journalism to us, James O'Keefe. [ CNN ]