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So here is a story in the Wall Street Journal, which is owned by News Corp., which is owned by Rupert Murdoch. US officials reportedly had to sit Jared Kushner down and tell him that Wendi Deng Murdoch, ex-wife of Rupert, who banged Tony Blair ALLEGEDLY, who banged Vladimir Putin ALLEGEDLY, and who is ALSO BEST FRIEND OF IVANKA, NOT ALLEGEDLY, might be just a tiny little bit of a Chinese spy. No big deal, right?

Those tweets above? Yeah. We bet it was a lot of fun in the WSJ newsroom before this went to print:

U.S. counterintelligence officials in early 2017 warned Jared Kushner, President Donald Trump’s son-in-law and senior adviser, that Wendi Deng Murdoch, a prominent Chinese-American businesswoman, could be using her close friendship with Mr. Kushner and his wife, Ivanka Trump, to further the interests of the Chinese government, according to people familiar with the matter.

U.S. officials have also had concerns about a counterintelligence assessment that Ms. Murdoch was lobbying for a high-profile construction project funded by the Chinese government in Washington, D.C., one of these people said.

The project, a planned $100 million Chinese garden at the National Arboretum, was deemed a national-security risk because it included a 70-foot-tall white tower that could potentially be used for surveillance, according to people familiar with the intelligence community’s deliberations over the garden.

NO BIG DEAL, OBVIOUSLY.

Wendi Deng Murdoch, through a spokesperson, said she is not a Chinese spy and ain't know nothin' about no Chinese surveillance gardens, but she WOULD say that, now wouldn't she? Also, plans for Wendi Deng Murdoch's Elegant Chinese Spy Gardens have been shelved, so let's not worry about it.

Here is a picture of Ivanka 'n' CHINESE SPY THE ALLEGED PUTIN SEXER, sightseeing in Croatia:

Sight seeing with @wendimurdoch in Dubrovnik

A post shared by Ivanka Trump (@ivankatrump) on

WSJ notes that Javanka has been pals with Wendi Deng Murdoch for-ever, and that she even showed up at their Washington manse in February of 2017, which sounds like it was just about the same time the FBI was warning J. Kush that their BFF might be a Chinese spy. Was she installing a listening device in one of the sconces? Who can even say!

Here is Vanity Fair telling us the history of Deng Murdoch and her BFF status with the Kushner-Trumps:

Deng is reportedly responsible for re-uniting Ivanka and her husband, Jared Kushner, who broke up in 2008 when their religious differences caused them to split. A new New Yorker profile of the couple relays how Deng invited Jared for a weekend on the Murdoch family yacht. “You’re working so hard. Come with Rupert and me on the boat for the weekend,” she said. He showed up without knowing that Deng had also invited Ivanka. Trump later converted to Judaism, and the couple married in 2009.

If Wendi Deng Murdoch hadn't schemed (LIKE A CHINESE SPY?), then Jared 'n' Ivanka may never have found sexual healing in each other's loins again!

Of course, the Kushner-Trumps have come under scrutiny for their Chinese business ties in the past. You know, for shit like this:

[Last] year, Kushner Companies, the real-estate firm owned by [Jared Kushner's] family, ended talks with politically connected Chinese insurer Anbang to redevelop a Manhattan property, after critics pointed out potential conflicts of interest. In May, Kushner’s sister, Nicole Kushner Meyer, used her family ties in the White House to attract Chinese investors to help fund a Kushner real-estate project via a visa program that awards foreign investors with US citizenship. Federal prosecutors are now investigating Kushner Companies’ use of the so-called EB-5 program, the New York Times reported in August. The curious timing of Kushner’s wife Ivanka Trump’s trademark deals in China has also raised eyebrows.

Also, Arabella Kushner, the presidential granddaughter, is REALLY GOOD AT SPEAKING MANDARIN, not that she is an actual Chinese spy like her mom's friend, allegedly. (Arabella is like 5, you guys! She is not a spy! YET.)

We don't know if Wendi Deng Murdoch is a real live Chinese spy or not, but if she is, well knock us over with a feather that she's had Javanka fooled this whole time, because they are definitely real live fuckin' idiots.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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[Wall Street Journal / Vanity Fair / Quartz]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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Guys, it's been one more shit day in a shit week in the fifth shit month of another shit Trump year. Which is why I need to remind you that it's not ALL shit out there! Oh, sure, it's MOSTLY shit, but you know what isn't shit? YR WONKETTE, and the strange community of strange internet people who have made getting through all this shit a bit more tolerable, that's who and what. Which is why you should give us money, so we can keep whanging away at the walls of shit with our shovels and laughing at the shit getting all over, because one of these days we will get it all cleaned up or at least not be up to our waists in shit, and we can all laugh about what a crazy fight it was, as St. Molly Ivins always kept reminding us.

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There is a very normal article circulating on the internet right now by a fella named Don Boys (that's not the joke, the jokes are coming), who is both an insane batshit preacher, and also an insane batshit former member of the Indiana House of Representatives. (Also sometimes he blogs at the Daily Caller about how Mike Pence really went balls deep into the gay agenda when he swore in that insane batshit gay guy Rick Grenell as America's ambassador to Germany.)

This article, of course, is about Pete Buttigieg, because what are anti-gay buffoons obsessed with right now? Pete Buttigieg. Boys (still his name) is primarily concerned not with the simple fact that Buttigieg is gay, but with how gay Buttigieg really is. IN THE SEX WAY!

Well, Don, since you asked!

Shall we dive into this thing without the proper prophylactics? We shall.

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