Jared Kushner MBAsplains Coronavirus To America's Governors. Guess We're All Gonna Die.
Screenshot, Axios on HBO

"The notion of the federal stockpile was it's supposed to be our stockpile," Jared Kushner said during yesterday's coronavirus MAGA rally. "It's not supposed to be states' stockpiles that they then use."

"WHO THE FUCK IS 'OUR'?" screamed America in unison. If it doesn't belong to the states, is the stockpile the property of DC, Guam, and Puerto Rico? Or does Jared think he and Vanky own the nation's stash of medical supplies and can dole them out as they see fit?

That's a joke, because, DUH, of course he does.

"The Strategic National Stockpile is the nation's largest supply of life-saving pharmaceuticals and medical supplies for use in a public health emergency severe enough to cause local supplies to run out," according to its website. "When state, local, tribal, and territorial responders request federal assistance to support their response efforts, the stockpile assures that the right medicines and supplies get to those who need them most during an emergency."

Oh, whoops! Looks like that's not the case anymore. Since Jared's star performance at yesterday's presser, that language has been removed from the web. Now it says that the president owns those ventilators and masks and can hand them out to red states that might vote for him in November, because, HELLO! read your Constitution, people!

Yesterday, Vanity Fair, Politico, and the New York Times all ran hair-raising stories about Jared Kushner taking over the nation's coronavirus response.

"This was a total mess," Kushner told people, according to VF. "I know how to make this government run now." Then the real estate guy with zero healthcare experience MBA'd the shit out of those state requests, saying, "I have all this data about ICU capacity. I'm doing my own projections, and I've gotten a lot smarter about this. New York doesn't need all the ventilators."

Endless screaming.

According to Politico, Jared and his merry band of McKinsey consultants and self-described "disruptors" from B-school have installed themselves at FEMA to give the egghead MDs and PhDs the benefit of their private sector insights. The Times described the ensuing chaos, with a veritable canoe of douchebros descending on the government to override experts with actual subject-matter experience.

The culture clash between public and private sectors has been jarring. The senior official described the Kushner team as a "frat party" that descended from a U.F.O. and invaded the federal government. To government officials, the outsiders demonstrated a lax attitude to policy discussions, at one point using the website FreeConferenceCall.com to arrange high-level meetings. Others have used personal email accounts in delicate policy exchanges.

And as a shocked nation recoiled in abject horror, the White House decided to reassure the public by ... sending Jared out to address the country at the press conference. Because who needs Fauci when there's an unelected, 39-year-old nepotism hire, who couldn't even get a security clearance, to offer the country the benefit of his wisdom?

After giving himself a hearty ATTABOY — "We've done things that the federal government has never done before, quicker than they've ever done it before" — Kush got on with the business of covidsplaining to the nation's governors how many ventilators they need ACTUALLY.

Some governors I'll speak to and they'll know to the number how many ventilators they have in their state because that's the first thing a good manager will do. What a lot of the voters are seeing now is that when you elect somebody to be a mayor or governor or president, you're trying to think about who will be a competent manager during the time of crisis. This is a time of crisis and you're seeing certain people are better managers than others.

Imagine being an IRL doctor, watching the waters rise as your state runs out of ventilators, having to justify the need for life-saving equipment to a self-satisfied little pipsqueak who says shit like, "Don't ask us for things when you don't know what you have in your own state. Just because you're scared, you ask your medical professionals, and they don't know. You have to take inventory of what you have in your own state and then you have to be able to show that there's a real need."

YOU ASK YOUR MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS, AND THEY DON'T KNOW. But Jared knows what's really going on there on the ground in New Jersey, because he has an MBA. You bet!

So weird that the White House hasn't managed to get the transcript from this particular presser up on the comms office website yet!

It was a spectacularly bad performance by the Boy Wonder, even by his own debased Middle-East-on-Opioids standard. It really could not have gone worse if he'd walked in with a bonesaw and waxed lyrical about his pal MBS. FFS, that jackass even got us agreeing with Michelle Malkin!

First and last time we say it: Michelle Malkin is 100 percent right. Jared is a national disaster whose arrogance will get people killed.

[VF / Politico / NYT / Transcript by Rev]

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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


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