Jared's Brother's Father-In-Law Will Find Cure For Coronavirus, On Facebook!
Thursday, we looked on in horror after learning that, as anyone could have expected, Donald Trump's terrible horrible no good very bad address to the nation on coronavirus was written by Jared Kushner and Stephen Miller. We were already horrified, because we knew that, on top of the rest of his massive (alleged) portfolio of "solve Middle East" and "something something opioids" and so many other things, know-nothing golden boy dipshit Prince Jared was taking some kind of important role in the administration's response to the coronavirus pandemic crisis. So far his main contribution, that we know of, is that Trump is not yet declaring a NATIONAL EMERGY like he did over his damn border wall, because Jared is still doing "research."
On Facebook, apparently!
(Trump is reportedly going to do NATIONAL EMERGY this afternoon at 3:00 p.m. Eastern, and we imagine he'll find a way to tank the markets before close of business for the week in the process.)
Jared Kushner, despite not deserving to be there, has a high-level job in the White House, a security clearance he would never qualify for in a real presidential administration, and access to all the might and intellectual prowess of the most powerful government in the world. So it will shock you not even a little bit to learn that he's doing coronavirus research on Facebook and his brother's father-in-law, who is his brother Josh's wife Karlie Kloss's dad, is helping.
We would type "hashtag best people," but it's implied at this point.
As the narrative in Politico starts, Dr. Kurt Kloss is on Facebook asking for advice on how to beat coronavirus. Thank goodness he is in a private Facebook group of ER doctors, and not, like, a group of "Gossip Girl" fans.
"I have direct channel to person now in charge at White House," Kurt Kloss wrote in his post.
Because my daughter married his brother and in Trump's America, you fail UPWARD!
Anyway, Dr. Kloss finally told everybody why he was asking: Because Jared asked him to ask. On Facebook. He explained that his daughter is international famous "Gossip Girl" superstar person Karlie Kloss and she is married to a Kushner who is brothers with the grossest Kushner, who is Jared, boy husband of Ivanka, etc.
"Tonight I was asked by Jared through my son-in-law for my recommendations, that's when I turned to you my fellow BAFERD's for help," he wrote using a nickname for Bad Ass Fucking Emergency Room Doctors. "Between patients tonight I have reviewed your responses and will summarize what I am sending to Jared for your PEER review before I send it."
"Jared is reading now," Kloss followed up later.
Jared initiated this.
The Spectator, which broke the story, has screenshots:
Kloss's messages have reportedly now been deleted.
Now look. We are not above going on Next Door to find advice on dealing with the old balls neighbor who loses his shit when we forget to bring in our trash can, nor are we above asking our doctor friends what they really think about this whole coronavirus thing. BUT WE ARE NOT IN CHARGE OF THE WHITE HOUSE FUCKING RESPONSE TO A GLOBAL PANDEMIC. We just want the old balls neighbor to shut up, and we want to personally #BeBest in our own coronavirus response.
But we are more competent at life than Jared, so ...
Anyway, Dr. Kloss gave him some recs, from the Facebook. Some of them sound pretty good!
But wait, you are saying ... we thought Mike Pence was "in charge," as opposed to Jared. Well, you see, things are going poorly, and Politico reports that "in recent days as conditions worsened and criticism mounted, Kushner took a more active role, according to two people familiar with the situation."
So, you know, we're all going to fucking die.
Anyway, the Facebook group is called "EM Docs," it has 22,000 members, and apparently you have to be a for real legit doctor to be in it. So it's probably not your Hannity-watching Uncle Carl posting videos of Jerry Falwell Jr. saying coronavirus is a North Korean bioweapon.
And Dr. Kloss doesn't sound like some kind of Extreme Makeover: Idiot Edition himself. Politico reports that when Pence was put "in charge" of coronavirus, at Trump's big coronavirus presser a couple weeks ago, Kloss wrote in the Facebook group that the "only thing that gave me any sense of confidence was that Dr. Anthony Faucci [sic] was on that stage," referring to one of the only actual smart people involved in the Trump administration's response. In all honesty, he sounds really worried, and good on him for at least trying to help these dumbasses.
Point is, we are not saying Kurt Kloss is a moron, by any stretch, or that the Bad Ass Fucking Emergency Room Doctors are morons. They're probably awesome!
We are saying Jared is a fucking moron and this White House is so incompetent it's asking for advice on How To Pandemic on Facebook.
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