Poor Jeb. He was born with a silver bullet in his mouth. On Tuesday, after Jeb tweeted this idiotic picture of a gun with his name on it, his campaign had to clarify that it was not in fact a desperate cry for help because Jeb is this close to blowing his fucking brains out all over his hoodie. Yes, this really happened.

Jeb's press secretary Kristy Campbell demanded that CBS News apologize for its report that the TweeterFaceverse jokingly pleaded with Jeb not to end it all, just because his tragicomedy of a campaign is in its last desperate throes. How dare you, The Media, when Jeb was simply making a harmless point about how much he loves the Second Amendment?. HE IS NOT ON THE EDGE, OK?!

Then on Wednesday, South Carolina Gov. Nikki Haley rejected the pleas of Jeb and his daddy and his brother, instead endorsing Marco Rubio, who also cannot win South Carolina's primary on Saturday, but at least is not as goddamned pathetic as Jeb. You can imagine how Jeb felt, after he's spent so much time there, slobbering all over Haley like a psycho ex who refuses to accept it's really over:

“Disappointed,” Bush told reporters, summing up his feelings about Haley’s endorsement as he was leaving the town hall here. “She’s a very good governor and should I win the nomination, there’ll be a role for her in the campaign.”

Yeah, that'll happen.

Jeb did battle with technology, and lost (of course), and took it out on the poor saps who felt bad enough for him to show up at some country club (of course), and listen to his speech:

When Bush began speaking to a crowd of 150 people at a country club here, the microphone on his lapel didn’t work. “I can’t do anything about it,” he snapped at someone in the crowd who said they couldn’t hear him. “I’ve got to keep on talking.”

Damned microphones, they're worse than zippers.

Jeb fielded questions from the semi-sympathetic audience about why he's losing so terribly, why he lets Trump push him around and stomp all over him, and why he can't be "an [S.O.B.]" like his big brother Dubya, which is an unfair trick question, when you think about it, but also hilarious. And sad.

And that was Jeb's Wednesday, begging people who took pity on him to please ... who even knows what? Jeb knows he's not going to win on Saturday. Heck, at this point, he's just hoping he doesn't get shown up by John Kasich, who has written off the state and headed to Michigan to make his last stand there. Maybe Jeb's just hoping to come in above "other." Or not:

But after bulldozing through 30 minutes of remarks, Bush struggled to mask his own frustration as he asked the audience to vote for him Saturday in words that were dripping with gallows humor.

“It’s all been decided, apparently,” Bush said. “The pundits have already figured it out. We don’t have to go vote. I should stop campaigning maybe.”

Yeah, Jeb, maybe you should.

[CNN Money / POLITICO]

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