Tuesday night was the debut of the new "David Letterman Show, Starring Stephen Colbert!" and for a night of such fanfare, you've got to call Jeb! Bush, because he's the only candidate with an exclamation point after his name. There was much to laugh about, like when Colbert told Jeb, "You are, with one exception ... the frontrunner for the Republican nomination." LOL, that might not even be true anymore, because there is Carson-mentum happening in Iowa, which excites us, in a very narcoleptic ZZZZZ way.

Of course, aside from the exclamation point, Jeb also has a reputation for being very ZZZZZ, something actual Republican frontrunner Donald Trump capitalized on in his new ad titled "When I am having a hard time sleeping and masturbating to mental images of my YOOOOOGE skyscrapers doesn't work, I like to listen to Jeb talk." (We think that's the name of the ad.)

But Colbert wanted to know about this:

So Jeb! explained:

COLBERT: Your campaign poster is just JEB!, with a J-E-B-exclamation mark. Why the JEB!?

JEB!: Because I've been using JEB! since 1994. It connotes excitement.

OHHHHH! Now we get it! It's important to note that when Colbert says it, he shouts it and goes like this:

In response, Jeb attempts to mimic the same excitement obviously invoked by his name, but it doesn't really come off as good. Anyway, this must mean Jeb! is a really exciting guy. It's probably his Hispanic heritage, he's always down for a fiesta or something.

COLBERT: How many of us, when we got excited about things, didn't just go JEB!?

JEB!: In Florida they do, when they see me, most of them, either out of happiness or deep anger.

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So it can either be like JEB YAY! or it can also be JEB GRRR! At least in Florida.

Or when Jeb's mom says it, it's probably like JEB NO! YOU LIVE OUTSIDE NOW, REMEMBER?

Speaking of Jeb's mom, Colbert also decided to ask about how Barbara Bush hates her son, which is well-documented in a Donald Trump ad called "Jeb Bush's mommy probably wishes he was adopted so she could give him back" (or something like that):

COLBERT: Your mom said maybe we shouldn't have another Bush or another Clinton.

JEB!: Oh she was just joking.


COLBERT: Did you call her up and say "Mom, you're embarrassing me?"

JEB!: I saw it on NBC, The Today Show, she was actually, without telling me she did this...

COLBERT: I BET she didn't tell you.

JEB!: It was a little embarrassing.


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We have a Wonkette theory that Barbara Bush pretty much hates JEB!, and that out of all the things she's said to him over the course of his life, the one that sticks with him the most is "I love you" "I like you even less than I like Neil, I hope you know that." And, science fact, most Wonkette theories turn out to be true, so you should just assume that's how it goes down in Kennebunkport most of the time.

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At the end of the interview, Colbert asked Jeb! the question he's getting from everywhere: Your brother really sucks, how could you possibly be any better? The reply was one of those trademarked Jeb Bush Zingers: "I'm obviously younger. Much better looking."

DUBYA LIBEL!!!!!111!

Because his brother looks like this:

Wait, wrong picture. His brother looks like this:

And Jeb! looks like this:

Might need changing, might just be gassy

Meh, fuck, it's a draw.


Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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