Jeb Bush: First Is The Worst, Second Is The Best!

At least he's not a sore loser

Good lord, he's not even trying anymore:

Jeb Bush is managing expectations for his struggling campaign's performance in the crucial New Hampshire primary, conceding that "(Donald) Trump's the front-runner and there's a jump ball for second with five candidates."

[contextly_sidebar id="mmdCpdaG8Q6WT26xHyr9iYLoKfoqR2aK"]Waaaaayyyy back in December, Jeb tried to convince himself it sure sucked being in first place, what with people saying he might be the Republican presidential nominee and maybe even president. ("See, Daddy, I can do it too!") Becoming the frontrunner for biggest loser really took the pressure off so he could regroup (again) and figure out how Jeb Can Fix It (again) and then make his triumphant comeback all the way to ... runner-up, maybe, which is another word for losing:

"I think we have the best volunteers with the greatest commitment and greatest record, and get the candidate a little better, I think we'll be in good shape," Bush said when asked about his chances of finishing second.

"That's irony, it's a new concept in political life," Bush quipped. "I just want to make sure you knew what it was when I used it."

[contextly_sidebar id="Eip272352AF6NUcvhJh6gGcHUravPqzD"]No, you dumb dried turd, that's not irony. That's a sad and pathetic attempt at self-deprecating humor and, like everything else Jeb's campaign has done since before it was officially a campaign, it gets a big fat FAIL. Jeb's been promising for months he's going to become a better candidate -- no really, Dad's rich friends, he swear he will, please don't go! -- and yet. And yet. Iowa is a month away and a mile out of his reach. New Hampshire is a week later, and Jeb has already conceded he ain't gonna win that. So his path to victory is ... uh ... South Carolina? Nope, not that either.

It's OK, Jeb, it'll all be over soon and then you can go home to your multicultural family, which you oppose, and your millions of dollars that you made all on your own without help from your extra-presidential family -- just your "hard work and experience" -- and then you can forget this ever happened.



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