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He was only wearing it for a costume, he swears.


Jeb J.E.B. el Bush, which foot have you sticked up your ass, pulled out, and then rammed down your throat now? Was it your American voter foot, or your Hispanic voter foot? Alas and Ay Dios mio, the answer is both. Here is a thing Jeb! said to a voter in Cedar Falls, Iowa:

We should not have a multicultural society .... When you create pockets of isolation, and in some cases, the assimilation process has been retarded because it's slowed down, it’s wrong. It limits people’s aspirations. ... We're creeping toward multiculturalism, and that's the wrong approach.

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OH REALLY, JEB? Now, certain corners of the liberal internet are pouncing on this and saying "Jeb said retarded!" And it is true, he DID say that word (which Sarah Palin may or may not get upset about, if she can take Donald Trump's dick out of her mouth long enough), but that is not the point, gentle Wonkeputian souls, it is not the point at all.

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Because wasn't Jeb, JUST LAST WEEK, rolling out a whole new Latino outreach, where he was talking in the Spanishes, and his wife Columba was talking in the Englishes, about how Hispanic culture is "very important and positive"? Wasn't he just saying his BEYOOOTIFUL Hispanic kids and Hispanic grandkids were proof that he is the president of the Mexicanos, hoy y mañana? And wasn't he inviting us to all celebrate Hispanic Heritage Month with him? And wasn't he doing all of this out of the window of a TACO TRUCK, FOR FUCK'S SAKE?

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Guess he's not so excited about Hispanic heritage after all. :( We can just see the fight at the Bush casa on Oct. 15, when Hispanic Heritage Month ends, and Jeb lazily saunters down the stairs and orders Columba to put the piñatas and the sombreros in the attic until next year.

The point of all this is that Jeb's perpetual problem is that he wants general election credit for not hating browns (LOOK AT MY FAMILY!), but he knows he can't go completely overboard with it, due to how Republican primary voters are racist bigots all het up about Mexican rapists and "anchor babies." (And apparently they haven't gotten Jeb's message that it's only an "anchor baby" if it's the Chinese or Japanese type of Mexican immigrant.)

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So on he goes, fucking up at every turn, alternating between shouting Olé! at random passersby, and telling his wife to go back to Mexico. We'd say he was failing upward, but LOL, there is no "upward" in this story.

[Talking Points Memo]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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Dame Peggington Noonington awakened in the New York Publick Librarie in a daze. She did not know what series of unfortunate events had led to this moment, but she vaguely remembered that last time this happened a passerby on 5th Avenue had transported her there, having found her on a stoop with eyes glazed over, muttering "Buk! Buk!" If we're being honest, she was choking on gin, but the well-meaning Good Samaritan took her for a woman craving classic literature, and Peggy was OK with allowing that illusion to stand.

As she stumbled toward the exit to summon her chauffeur -- Manuel, who was also her houseboy, who probably was responsible entirely for her current predicament, and would be subject to a talking-to about his derring-do as soon as Peggy's head stopped pounding -- she happened upon a display of new arrivals. "Buk! Buk!" she said. Swallowing hard, she grabbed a copy of Michelle Obama's book and went out onto the New York street without actually checking the book out.

Peggy arrived home safely, if a bit worse for the wear. She had been thinking about America's royal families a lot lately, especially the genteel women who serve as First Lady. She was particularly charmed by Melania Trump's show of wicked mischief last week, firing the deputy national security adviser without regret! Peggy remembered how fun it is to fire people and stuck a Post-it on her forehead to remind her to fire Manuel later, for leaving her destitute among the commoners at the librarie.

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Congratulations to the Dear Leader on his flawless victory in court against the media dogs at the CNN cesspool of evil. Donald Trump is a champion of the people's right to civil discourse, and he will not hesitate to slap those who hurt the dignity of the Supreme Leadership. Take it from Ri Chun-hee Sarah Huckabee Sanders:

Today the court made clear that there is no absolute First Amendment right to access the White House. In response to the court, we will temporarily reinstate the reporter's hard pass. We will also further develop rules and processes to ensure fair and orderly press conferences in the future. There must be decorum at the White House.

Leave aside for a moment the screaming irony of the Pussgrab Administration lecturing the press on decorum. Literally none of what the Huckster said here is true. Judge Timothy Kelly ordered the White House Press Office to reinstate Jim Acosta's hard pass immediately on Fifth Amendment grounds. He didn't reach the First Amendment issues of press access because he didn't have to.

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