Jeb Bush Will Fight Gay Marriage Forever! Or Until He Changes His Mind

• Jeb! Bush doesn't care what the Supreme Court says about gay marriage. At the Faith and Freedom Coalition funtimes party last week, he promised religious conservatives he'd fight against equality FOREVER AND EVER, because Jesus said you don't have to love your neighbor if he is A Gay:

  “It’s got to be important over the long haul, irrespective of what the courts say,” he said.

  In discussing the topic, Mr. Bush made reference to divisive laws enacted in Indiana and other states that would permit some exemptions for people and institutions who say same-sex marriage violates their religious beliefs. “We need to make sure that we protect the right not just of having religious views, but the right of acting on those religious views,” he said.

  He added: “Conscience should also be respected for people of faith who want to take a stand for traditional marriage.”

  And we all know -- and are quite tired of hearing, at this point -- that the only way to respect "people of faith" is to allow them to stop gay people from getting married. Jeb! also took this incredibly controversial position that no one has ever disputed:

  “In a country like ours we should recognize the power of a man and a woman loving their children with all their heart and soul as a good thing, as something that is positive and helpful for those children to live a successful life,” he said.

  We might be inclined to take Jeb's vow to keep fighting the battle even after bigots lose the war more seriously if we didn't figure there was a good chance he will completely reverse his position eventually. Turns out, he's so addicted to flip-flopping, he makes Mitt Romney look consistent. Who knew?

• Ted Cruz's dad is still an asshole:  

  Rafael Cruz, Sen. Ted Cruz's (R-TX) father, on Saturday said that northeastern Jews and Catholics put their allegiance to the Democratic Party ahead of their religion.

  "Unfortunately, in the northeast, the Jews are Democrats first and Jews second," he said at an event on Saturday held by the Palm Beach County Tea Party. "This is what has happened to a great many in the Catholic church. They are Democrats first and Catholics second."

  Rafael Cruz said that Americans "need to put principle above tradition."

  He also declared "John Kennedy would be a Republican today," because in addition to being an asshole, Rafael Cruz is also real dumb, a winning combination he has passed on to his son. Lucky us.

•  Here is a thing, from our favorite TV talkers Happy Nice Time People, about news ladies on TV, and you should read it. Have a taste:

  Once upon a time, ’mericans watched television all day and all night whether there was something good on or not (and there usually wasn’t). They’d go to sleep with theTonight Showand wake up toTodaybecause they were too lazy to change the channel—which took physical effort back then as most people didn’t have “remotes.” The TV would be playing while Americans got ready for their jobs—which everyone who wanted to work had, especially the men folk, because those were the days—and the “homemakers” (old-speak for “stay-at-home moms”) would watch in the kitchen while making a nutritious breakfast for the family before everyone left and the soap operas started.

  Katie Couric joined Today at a tough time. (Specifically, 1991.) The show had survived an anchor-chimp and even Barbara Walters, but then came the real crisis. Even though by then women had the vote and could become astronauts, on television news (which Today considered itself) they weren’t equal. Once a woman turned forty, she would “move on to new opportunities.”

• Some art collector who wished to remain anonymous -- can't imagine why -- paid almost half a million bucks at an auction last weekend for some crappy paintings by Hitler.TheHitler:

  “These collectors are not specialised in works by this particular painter but rather have a general interest in high-value art,” Kathrin Weidler of the auction firm told DPA.

  Sure, whatever. We'd just like to take this opportunity to remind you that in addition to being one of the world's worst human beings ever, he was also a shitty artist:

  As a budding young painter, Hitler applied to the Vienna Academy of Art but was rejected. He continued to paint however, copying images from postcards that he sold to tourists.

  Experts consider his work to be of mediocre quality.

• The National Review is just wondering if Donald Trump is "a double agent for the left" :

  He is nearly a cartoon version of what a comedian such as Stephen Colbert considers a conservative — the kind of conservative Colbert played on Comedy Central until this year. He reinforces all the Left’s negative stereotypes of conservatives as ignorant blowhards. During his announcement speech last week, Trump said of Mexican immigrants: “They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists, and some, I assume, are good people.”

  We can neither confirm nor deny that Donald Trump is a double agent for the left, but we can tell you heisa piñata:  

  After Donald Trump's Mexico-bashing comments this week, Mexicans are engaging in a little Trump-bashing of their own.

  Call it revenge, Mexican style. Artisan Dalton Avalos Ramirez has launched a Trump pinata, featuring The Donald's inimitable hairstyle and a big, big mouth.

  Unfortunately, if you whack him hard enough, you'll discover he's filled with gold-plated bullshit.