Donate

Jeb Bush's New Tech Genius Is Aware Of All Internet Traditions, Including Misogyny

Featured


  • Jeb Bush is doing a great job so far of proving just how "The Smart One" he is, even though he has not yet officially announced his candidacy for Republican Loser of 2016. Also, of proving how low a bar that is when you're talking about the Bush family.
    Jeb just made a terrific new hire to join his unofficially-but-totally-running-for-president team: a boy genius named Ethan Czahor, to be his chief technology officer. Among his many accomplishments, he founded something that is called -- no, we are not making this up -- Hipster.com, and he's going to use his savvy to reach out to the kids these days on the interwebs because he is really good at the newfangled technology, and yes, you probably can guess exactly where this is going.It took the very interwebs at which this guy is supposed to be so skilled all of .2 seconds to discover his online history of being a sexist, racist, homophobic jerkhole Republican (but we repeat ourselves).

    Of course, because Czahor is so good at the technology stuff, he knows that if you act fast and delete now, no one will ever know. So he immediately started deleting all those embarrassing tweets, at the request of the Bush team, because those kinds of comments are "inappropriate." And now that they've been deleted and history has been sufficiently revised, it never happened. And no one will ever know that Bush's new hire is a jerk who said jerk things on the internet. And they certainly will not take pictures of those tweets and publish them far and wide, so they will live forever even though they have been "deleted" because that's how the internet works. As this guy knows, because he's a tech genius.

    We're still a long way from the 2016 election, but if Jeb's exceptional vetting skills are any indication of what what we can expect in the coming campaign, well, we're just as impressed as we expected to be by the "smarter" Bush brother.

  • Now we get to watch mumps spread across this fine U.S. American country where you're free to hate science. Thanks, anti-vaxxers:

    An outbreak of mumps that started at an Idaho university and infected 21 people across the state has now spread to neighboring Washington state, health officials said on Monday.

    The spread of mumps, a highly contagious virus that leads to painful swelling of the salivary glands, comes as a wider measles outbreak has infected more than 100 people in California and over a dozen more in 19 other U.S. states and Mexico since December. [...]

    Public health officials were urging students on the Moscow campus and anyone who might have come into close contact with an infected person to ensure their vaccinations are up to date. Mumps and measles can be prevented through a single vaccine, the MMR vaccine that also covers rubella, health officials said.

  • NBC Nightly News's Brian Williams is taking a brief (for now) leave of absence after "misremembering" something that didn't actually happen to him, but a whole bunch of Americans who undoubtedly couldn't pick him out of a line-up and don't watch the news want him to go away forever:

    Now, America has spoken, and many think that his lie is too much to come back from. According to a recent Rasmussen Reports national telephone poll, 40 percent of Americans said that they believe Williams should resign as a result of the misstep. Thirty-five percent of participants said they feel he should keep his job, while 25 percent said they were not sure.

    Regardless of the outcome, 18 percent of Americans polled said they now have a "very unfavorable view" of the "NBC Nightly News" host.

  • Are you one of those people who loved loved LOVED "Breaking Bad" and had all the sad faces when it was over? Then you probably already know there is a show called "Better Call Saul," and you probably already watched the first episode, but just in case you didn't, our TV-viewing expert friends at Happy Nice Time People want you to know it is awesome, and you should watch it:

    Damn. If you haven’t already seen the Better Call Saul Premiere Part One, then just go watch it. Do NOT read this spoilery recap until you are done, and then read it only to relive the experience after you’ve savored it. [EDITOR’S NOTE: please read this story and click all the ad links, whether you’ve watched the show or not. – Rick]

    Also, if you’ve never seen Breaking Bad, start with that. With bathroom breaks it should take about two and half days. Call in sick to work, and arrange for delivery. You don’t need to have watched Breaking Bad to “get” Saul, but it will certainly enhance your pleasure.

  • Just going to leave this here for you:
$
Donate with CC

One of the most common things to say in America, just behind "Happy Birthday" and "NO COLLUSION," is "Mitch McConnell should go fuck himself." It works for all occasions, whether you have just stubbed your toe or whether you are in the middle of your wedding to your sweetheart. Try it!

But why should Mitch McConnell go fuck himself at this particular moment? Let's look at the top three current reasons!

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC

Sucks to be you, Pat Shanahan! The acting Defense secretary is currently under investigation for preferential treatment of his former bosses at Boeing, who just got busted letting planes fall out of the sky if buyers skimped on the upgrades. Shanahan was never a favorite of Trump's, and now his chances of getting made Big Boy For Real Sec Def are decreasing by the day. Which means that he's going through all this shit for nothing! Womp womp!

What shit, you ask? Well! Last night Shanahan announced the first tranche of the "found" money the DoD is shifting over to fund WALL in defiance of Congress's constitutional spending powers. The Defense Department will be transferring the cash from accounts meant to support military personnel into "anti-drug funding," which they've decided means they can use it to build "18-foot-high pedestrian fencing, constructing and improving roads, and installing lighting within the Yuma and El Paso Sectors of the border." Already pissed off about the fake EMERGY declaration, although not pissed enough to override a veto, congresspeople on both sides of the aisle are hopping mad that the Trump administration dicked them around for months, shut down the government, forced them to negotiate for wall funding in good faith, and then said HA HA SUCKERS, WE'RE JUST GOING TO STEAL IT FROM THE RAINY DAY FUND ANYWAY!

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC
Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc