And Now, Your Obligatory Post About Jeff Bezos's DONGROCKET
And now it's time for your Wonkette daily afternoon thing that looks like a dong. (What? We hear you're wilding out in the comments about how everything is terrible. Consider this another mental health break.)
Is it a SKYPENIS? No, it is not a skypenis.
Is it a DONGCOPTER? No, it is not a dongcopter.
But it is a thing that is going to the sky, indeed all the way to outer space, and it is taking Jeff Bezos with it, at least for 11 minutes or so.
It is Jeff Bezos's DONGROCKET, and by "rocket" we mean it's a real rocket, and by "dong" we mean it looks like a fuckin' dong. This is a pretty self-explanatory post, TBH.
We think maybe it started when internet moron Piers Morgan tweeted this picture of Bezos next to "New Shepard," the giant penis-shaped space vehicle made by Bezos's space company "Blue Origin," which Bezos plans to ride into space just after he retires as the CEO of Amazon.
The fact @JeffBezos is going to fly to space in a rocket next month shows he’s got the balls to match his brains. G… https://t.co/cMAkV5toVd— Piers Morgan (@Piers Morgan) 1623068718.0
Neat tweet about balls, Piers. Woulda been better if it had included a joke about the OBVIOUS DONGROCKET, but then again, nobody goes to Piers Morgan for "funny." (They go to him for Racist About Meghan Markle.)
"Oh hey," you are thinking. "Were we not just getting angry about richest man in world Jeff Bezos and his friends not paying taxes?" To which we reply, Christ, this is supposed to be a mental health post. If you want to stay mad about that, go to the post where that is.
The New York Posthas the report on how everybody on Twitter saw this and was like oh hey, "giant flaming space dildo." Twitter was, for once, correct.
CNN explains that Bezos, 57, will be riding the fiery dongrocket into space with his brother, Mark, on July 20, for about 11 minutes. Then he's riding the fiery dongrocket back to planet earth, which presumably will still be in the place he left it, unless Louie Gohmert figures a way to get the Forest Service to move the earth.
CNN also reports that Blue Origin is working on another rocket called "New Glenn," which is an interesting name for a rocket, especially if it looks like a dong like this one. "Y'ain't never ridden a dongrocket 'til you've ridden NEW GLENN!" That might be a thing people end up saying a lot, about riding New Glenn.
If you'd like more actual news information about DONGROCKET, please feel free to check other websites.
As for us, this post is DONGROCKET and OPEN THREAD.
Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter.
Wonkette is funded ENTIRELY by a few thousand people like you. If you're not already, would you pls consider being the few thousandth and one?