Washington Post Opinion Columnist and intifada-themedtorture porn aficionado Jennifer Rubin is not a big fan of the President. According to Rubin, our Muslin half-ling is simply an effete market-hating monster who splits his time between plotting to kill the Jews and live- streaming the murder of Chris Stevens with his bro's in the war room, for the lolz. But while the vast majority of Rubin's fantasies about the President lean more on the side of "psychologically obsessive antipathy" than they do actual analysis, opinion editor Fred Hiatt nevertheless sees her as some sort of Conservative luminary despite her legendary record of outright hackery.

But as any comedian still depending on Sarah Palin material can tell you, being a full-time hater is hard. Eventually you stop running out of even slightly germane reasons to get angry and you just start openly foaming at the mouth (which is not a good look for anyone, even for a person whose smile falls between Ayn Rand and Squeaky Fromme on the creepiness scale). The end result of such reflexive hate is articles like this:

The President makes the Pope's resignation all about him

When I saw this, I thought it was a parody of a presidential statement:

On behalf of Americans everywhere, Michelle and I wish to extend our appreciation and prayers to His Holiness Pope Benedict XVI. Michelle and I warmly remember our meeting with the Holy Father in 2009, and I have appreciated our work together over these last four years. The Church plays a critical role in the United States and the world, and I wish the best to those who will soon gather to choose His Holiness Pope Benedict XVI’s successor.

But no, that’s the real thing. To complete the theme, I’m surprised it did not end, “But enough about me, Your Holiness, what do you think of my agenda?”

What is important about the pope and his resignation is not, alas, that Obama met with him. And I am puzzled by the use of the phrase “our work together over these four years.” Did Obama reduce the number of abortions in the United States? No, that can’t be it. Did he reduce poverty here in the United States? Tragically not. (“Poverty has soared under Obama, with the number of Americans in poverty increasing to the highest level in the more than 50 years that the Census Bureau has been tracking poverty. Over the last 5 years, the number in poverty has increased by nearly 31%, to 49.7 million, with the poverty rate climbing by over 30% to 16.1%. Obama has also been the food stamp President, with the number on food stamps increasing during his Administration to an all time record high of 47.7 million, up 80% over the past 5 years.”) Hmm, what about speaking out against Christian persecution? Nope, that couldn’t be it. Ending the mass murder in Syria? Nope. Coming up with an initiative to save lives in Africa? No — that was President George W. Bush.

This last paragraph is classic Rubin. There is the curiously tangential ode to the man whose face still adorns the poster on the ceiling above her bed, the casual racism of calling a black man a "food stamp" president, and the usual assortment of outright lies.

However Rubin's recent insane missives about Obama have lacked the usual level of derangement that fans came to know and love during the past election season. This latest post is a return to form for Rubin, and judging from her conclusion it may be because she found a new crush object in her life, Senator "back wax" Marco Rubio:

So I have no idea what work Obama is boasting about, nor do I see anything about God, Catholicism or anything having to do with religion in the president’s statement. You’d think the pope was head of a secular charity (“The Church plays a critical role in the United States and the world”) rather than the spiritual head of a worldwide religion.

Compare the statement to that of Sen. Marco Rubio (R-Fla.):

Today Pope Benedict XVI displayed the qualities of an excellent leader and a true man of God by putting the interests of the Vatican and the Catholic Church over his own papacy. Since becoming Pope in 2005, Pope Benedict XVI has served the Church honorably, particularly through his work promoting charity across the globe. I wish him well in the future and, as a Catholic, I thank him for his service to God and the Church. I also look with optimism toward the future of the Catholic Church as it prepares to welcome a new leader and as it continues to spread God’s message of faith, hope and love to all the corners of the world.

The president isn’t a Catholic, but his antiseptic, self-centered statement is really a shoddy effort. Maybe, like the fiscal cliff, he should have left this one to Vice President Biden.

Rubin does have a point here: Biden would have been an infinitely better choice to deliver news about the Pope resigning compared to whatever White House staffer that wrote the press release that has ENRAGED Rubin for some still elusive reason. However Rubin seems to be forgetting that the President, unlike Rubio, has more to do these days than rambling about long dead rappers and making half-hearted attempts at trying to court "illegals" into voting against their basic political interests. And while Rubin might believe that the world sits in eager anticipation to hear what the President has to say about every passing item on his newsfeed, sadly the vast majority of people kind of expect "anti-septic" responses to events that have little to do with their daily lives.

Perhaps Rubin should follow the lead of America's greatest Catholic, Bill Donahue. He marked this occasion by engaging in some competitive corpse kicking instead of stretching past the point of sanity in an attempt to stir up faux outrage against something literally no one cares about. It's infinitely easier than the hemorrhoid-inducing strain that Rubin inflicted on herself in crapping out this post.

[The Right Turn]