Jerry Falwell Jr. Pretty Sure Constitution Says ONE COW, ONE VOTE!

It's comforting to know that, in this time of global crisis, dumbass waste-of-space wingnuts like Jerry Falwell Jr. aren't just offering dumbass hot takes on What Is Coronavirus? (A North Korean bioweapon, he says.) He still has time to say dumbass things on all kinds of other subjects, and in the process say the quiet part loud about what conservative Republicans really believe about democracy. SPOILER, they don't like it one bit, unless they win.

This garbage happened on "Fox & Friends":

We're reminded of that old pastor Ray Mummert who said some years back, in protest of the teaching of evolution, that "We've been attacked by the intelligent, educated segment of the culture." Why yes, sir. Those intelligent educated people GON' GIT YA every time!

Virginia is a fully blue state now, and that is awesome. As a result, it's gotten waymore progressive, and it's become a much better place to live for all its residents. And it's happened because the majority of Virginians have made it so. But, like, not the REAL majority, by which Falwell means the "land mass" majority, where the trees and the cows outnumber the people, LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL fuckin' goddamn idiot.

Falwell, who runs a literal actual college -- and has a PIECE OF ASS personal trainer (pictured above), not that that is in any way relevant right now -- is just saying that he thinks it should be ONE COW, ONE VOTE. And also probably TWO COWS, THREE VOTES and FOUR COWS, NINE VOTES, because sure why not. But if you are a -- blech -- liberal city dweller, like more and more Virginians are every year, your voice shouldn't count as much as all the yokels in the hinterlands who believe in Jerry Falwell's dumbass interpretation of the Bible. And also their cows. OK, Jerry.

Like we said, he's saying the quiet part loud, like very stupid people who worship very stupid presidents often do. Republicans don't believe in democracy anymore, because they know that if they fight fair, they'll never win nationwide again. That's why the gerrymandering and the voter suppression and the Russian-style disinformation campaigns and the embrace of actual Russian attacks on our free and fair elections. It's not that complicated, really. If all eligible citizens vote, they lose.

Again, this man runs a college, Liberty University, full of actual living breathing human beings, some of whom even went there because they wanted to and not because their fundamentalist parents forced them to in a lame, misguided attempt to preserve their kids' lifelong virginity. This is the same guy who thinks coronavirus is a big North Korean bioweapon hoax, and that is why he's not canceling classes at Liberty, thus endangering those kids and their families.

But come on, let's not be mean to Jerry. Poor thing's just bein' attacked by the intelligent, educated segment of the culture, who now outnumber poor Jerry and his hot-ass personal trainer in Virginia.

Oh well, fuck 'em.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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