Jerry Nadler Ready To Devour A Second Helping Of Meatball
Happy Valentine's Day, Meatball! Looks like you scored yourself a rose from Democratic Congressman Jerry Nadler. Congratulations, you get to come back for another sweaty love session with the House Judiciary Committee. Bow-chicka-bow-bow!
During last week's hot date with the House Dems, Acting Attorney General Matthew Whitaker was slow to let down his guard. Apparently, he doesn't assert executive privilege on the first date, but he still refuses to answer questions about his conversations with his soon-to-be-ex, just to be coy. Gotta save something for that second special night -- which is coming up real soon, Big Boy! His turn-ons are WALL, scam PACs, and repeating questions over and over until the clock runs out. Turn-offs, well, he'd have to say that would be legal ethics, immigrants, and government oversight. Something that might surprise a potential partner would be that, even though he flogs Big Dick Toilets, he actually has a regular one at home, and it suits him fine. (Allegedly.) Motion of the ocean, right?
Whitaker is making a fool of himself. "Mr chairman, I see that your time is up." The room laughs at Whitaker whi… https://t.co/C2zV5jPRJI— ☇RiotWomenn☇ (@☇RiotWomenn☇)1549642225.0
Apparently, Chairman Nadler can't resist a witness who tells him his time is up, so he sent Meatball Matt an invitation to come back and clear up one or two points. To wit, he'd like to know if Big Dick McPeener Toilet might have committed a wee spot of perjury last week.
Although the Committee appreciates your decision to appear, Members on both sides of the aisle found many of your answers to be unsatisfactory, incomplete, or contradicted by other evidence. You repeatedly refused to offer clear responses regarding your communications with the White House, and you were inconsistent in your application of the Department's policy related to the discussions of ongoing investigations.
For instance. Reps. Cicilline and Demmings both asked about a CNN story from December reporting that Trump "lashed out" at Whitaker for not shitcanning the SDNY investigation into the hush money Michael Cohen and AMI paid to keep Stormy Daniels and Karen McDougal from blabbing about the times they saw the president's mushroom-shaped member. Twice Whitaker explicitly denied the conversation took place, and the third time he refused to answer. Does Meatball want to phone a friend and revise his answer? Because it looks like the Judiciary Dems did phone a bunch of Meatball's friends, and they told a different story.
Your testimony on this topic is directly contradicted by several media reports. [...] Moreover, the Committee has identified several individuals with direct knowledge of the phone calls you denied receiving from the White House. As a result, we require your clarification on this point without delay.
Ooooooh, Meatball better hit the tanning bed and make an appointment for a wax before that second round! (Just take ibuprofen, and remember to breathe, you'll be fine.)
Nadler is also wondering if Meatball may have told another li'l fib when he said he never no how discussed his opinion of the Mueller investigation into Russian ratfuckery in the 2016 election with anyone at the White House before he was mysteriously bumped up from toilet salesman to chief law enforcement officer in the land.
You later admitted to speaking to White House officials while "interviewing for the position that was ultimately occupied by Ty Cobb" -- a position dedicated to managing the President's official response to the Special Counsel's investigation -- but claimed, somewhat incredulously, that you never mentioned your "opinions about the Mueller investigation" over the course of those discussions. We require your clarification on this point as well.
Well, when you put it like that ...
So, Chairman Nadler awaits your return, Mister Whitaker. You can drive yourself, or the Congressman will be happy to send a car. Just have your people call his people.
I have asked my staff to work with yours to give you an opportunity to clarify these and other matters, and we are available to meet in the coming days for that purpose. I believe we can reach a reasonable accommodation with the Department about your responses to these questions. Failing that, we would expect to pursue a date and time for a formal deposition.
Oh, whoops! Apparently Bill Barr was just confirmed, and so Matt Whitaker doesn't have people any more. He's out there on his own since his staff now works for the new Mueller-stabber in chief. But don't worry, Uncle Jerry will send an Uber. See you next Tuesday, Meatball!
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Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.