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Happy Valentine's Day, Meatball! Looks like you scored yourself a rose from Democratic Congressman Jerry Nadler. Congratulations, you get to come back for another sweaty love session with the House Judiciary Committee. Bow-chicka-bow-bow!

During last week's hot date with the House Dems, Acting Attorney General Matthew Whitaker was slow to let down his guard. Apparently, he doesn't assert executive privilege on the first date, but he still refuses to answer questions about his conversations with his soon-to-be-ex, just to be coy. Gotta save something for that second special night -- which is coming up real soon, Big Boy! His turn-ons are WALL, scam PACs, and repeating questions over and over until the clock runs out. Turn-offs, well, he'd have to say that would be legal ethics, immigrants, and government oversight. Something that might surprise a potential partner would be that, even though he flogs Big Dick Toilets, he actually has a regular one at home, and it suits him fine. (Allegedly.) Motion of the ocean, right?

Apparently, Chairman Nadler can't resist a witness who tells him his time is up, so he sent Meatball Matt an invitation to come back and clear up one or two points. To wit, he'd like to know if Big Dick McPeener Toilet might have committed a wee spot of perjury last week.


Although the Committee appreciates your decision to appear, Members on both sides of the aisle found many of your answers to be unsatisfactory, incomplete, or contradicted by other evidence. You repeatedly refused to offer clear responses regarding your communications with the White House, and you were inconsistent in your application of the Department's policy related to the discussions of ongoing investigations.

For instance. Reps. Cicilline and Demmings both asked about a CNN story from December reporting that Trump "lashed out" at Whitaker for not shitcanning the SDNY investigation into the hush money Michael Cohen and AMI paid to keep Stormy Daniels and Karen McDougal from blabbing about the times they saw the president's mushroom-shaped member. Twice Whitaker explicitly denied the conversation took place, and the third time he refused to answer. Does Meatball want to phone a friend and revise his answer? Because it looks like the Judiciary Dems did phone a bunch of Meatball's friends, and they told a different story.

Your testimony on this topic is directly contradicted by several media reports. [...] Moreover, the Committee has identified several individuals with direct knowledge of the phone calls you denied receiving from the White House. As a result, we require your clarification on this point without delay.

Ooooooh, Meatball better hit the tanning bed and make an appointment for a wax before that second round! (Just take ibuprofen, and remember to breathe, you'll be fine.)

Nadler is also wondering if Meatball may have told another li'l fib when he said he never no how discussed his opinion of the Mueller investigation into Russian ratfuckery in the 2016 election with anyone at the White House before he was mysteriously bumped up from toilet salesman to chief law enforcement officer in the land.

You later admitted to speaking to White House officials while "interviewing for the position that was ultimately occupied by Ty Cobb" -- a position dedicated to managing the President's official response to the Special Counsel's investigation -- but claimed, somewhat incredulously, that you never mentioned your "opinions about the Mueller investigation" over the course of those discussions. We require your clarification on this point as well.

Well, when you put it like that ...

So, Chairman Nadler awaits your return, Mister Whitaker. You can drive yourself, or the Congressman will be happy to send a car. Just have your people call his people.

I have asked my staff to work with yours to give you an opportunity to clarify these and other matters, and we are available to meet in the coming days for that purpose. I believe we can reach a reasonable accommodation with the Department about your responses to these questions. Failing that, we would expect to pursue a date and time for a formal deposition.

Oh, whoops! Apparently Bill Barr was just confirmed, and so Matt Whitaker doesn't have people any more. He's out there on his own since his staff now works for the new Mueller-stabber in chief. But don't worry, Uncle Jerry will send an Uber. See you next Tuesday, Meatball!

[Nadler Letter / CNN]

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Five Dollar Feminist

Your FDF lives in Baltimore under an assumed identity as an upstanding member of the PTA. Shhh, don't tell anyone she makes swears on the internet!

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Remember "The West Wing"? Aaron Sorkin put a lot of effort into depicting Republicans -- okay, probably just Alan Alda -- as serious-minded, ethical mammals who just had a difference of opinion with the Democratic protagonists. It turns out "The West Wing" was as realistic as "Buffy the Vampire Slayer." That's because too many Republicans are like Mike Lee. The Utah Senator more closely resembles a character from a bad USA comedy series.

Republicans are holding a procedural vote today on Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez's Green New Deal. Lee took to the Senate floor to tell us how terrible it is. He could have done this with facts and data. Instead, he went with Ronald Reagan and a velociraptor.

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Presidential candidate Kamala Harris has a radical idea: We should pay schoolteachers as if they'd actually attended school themselves. The California senator today announced details of her proposal to increase teacher salaries across the country. She'd first discussed the plan at a campaign event this weekend at Texas Southern University.

HARRIS: I am declaring to you that by the end of my first term, we will have improved teacher salaries so that we close the pay gap, because right now teachers are making over 10 percent less than other college-educated graduates.

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Harris elaborated further in an op-ed published in today's Washington Post.

HARRIS: The United States is facing a teacher pay crisis. Public school teachers earn 11 percent less than professionals with similar educations. Teachers are more likely than non-teachers to work a second job. In 30 states, average teacher pay is less than the living wage for a family of four.
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