Fox News's Jesse Watters Let Air Out Of Woman's Tires, Called It Courtship
What do you call that act? The Aristocrats!
We feel like if this information about Jesse Watters from Fox News came out as a result of investigative journalism, or in a wide-ranging lawsuit about sexual predator behavior from Fox hosts, it would be taking up more headline space.
Instead, Watters just opened his mouth and told this story on TV on April 11 and we're only just talking about it now because we guess nobody watching Fox News that day really thought it was so weird.
Jesse Watters jokes about how he courted a woman 14 years his junior. He let the air out of her tires so he could offer her a ride home. He leaves out that he was married at the time. This is some stalker nonsense. She also worked for him. It's a Fox News love storypic.twitter.com/ge9zZ2vMMH
— Decoding Fox News (@Decoding Fox News) 1650152225
Totally normal! She was 14 years younger than he was! She worked for him! He was married at the time! He wanted her to ride in his car, so he let the air out of the tires of her car!
The New York Daily News approaches this with the correct level of WTF:
“When I was trying to get Emma to date me, first thing I did, let the air out of her tires,” he confessed on “The Five” last week.
It's no boombox underneath her bedroom window, and it's also a giant rapey red flag. But anyway, please continue.
Watters, who was 39 and married at the time, is referring to his second wife, Emma DiGiovine, whom he wed in December 2019.
“She couldn’t go anywhere, she needed a lift,” Watters told his co-hosts. “I said ‘Hey you need a lift?’ She got right into the car.”
She couldn't go anywhere! Because he made it so her car couldn't go anywhere! She got right in the car! All went according to plan!
No word on whether he made it so she couldn't open the car door in his car from the inside, but if this was a horror movie — and we think any movie that ends with a marriage to Jesse Watters would be — that's how the writers would do it.
Anyway, the New York Daily News helpfully points out that this was during a segment about environmentalists pushing people to deflate the tires on SUVs. And Watters was like oh hey, I have a relatable story about this!
When his “The Five” co-hosts expressed surprise over his supposed antics, Watters claimed that until now, his wife was unaware of his deflated tire trick. When asked if she knew the story, he said: “No, she doesn’t know the story.”
He then added: “Now she does.”
OK but no, you need to watch the video to see how weird the reaction from the fellow hosts on "The Five" was. There was a lot of laughing, but to be fair, it could have been because they were scared. Greg Gutfeld said, "You're basically the Zodiac Killer!" Which wasn't unreasonable.
Watters exclaimed that "it has a happy ending!" because they ended up married. (We bet there are a lot of fundamentalist polygamist religious cult leaders who'd say the same thing.) One of his cohosts, who was off camera at that moment, said, "Really?" with the tone of a person who really doesn't think this sounds like a happy ending. Maybe they were thinking it's more like a "Dateline" they saw.
Gutfeld, perhaps trying to give Watters a chance to back out of this cul-de-sac, asked "Did you REALLY do that?"
Judge Boxwine asked, "Is that the first time you did it, or did you use that one before?" You know, like it's a common dating tactic. The old "Haha, I eliminated your means of escape" trick.
And Watters replied, "It works like a charm." Aw shucks!
And then Judge Boxwine just moved on to the next segment.
Next on Fox News, more hate propaganda about how the gays are trying to groom your kids, probably!
In summary and in conclusion, this literally happened on TV, where people could see it. Should somebody call the cops?
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The panel was all thinking serial killer.
This reminds me of the Onion headline "Romantic Comedy Behavior Gets Real Life Man in Real Trouble."
The pop culture conditions us to believe that hijinks (read: actions that are in fact crimes) are totally cool if done in the name of love (particularly if you're a good sensitive guy who runs a bookstore and has a sassy black friend, you can't be racist if you have one of those!) and in the last act your love interest realizes how much you'd go through for her and it's all good. Left out of this is (a) when it doesn't "work", you just committed a crime, son! and (b) no one in their right mind should be attracted to a quality such as "unwillingness to take no for an answer, even if that means crimes".