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Jesus Communicator Sends Us Poorly Written Cease-and-Desist Letter

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If you've never witnessed 'I seen Jesus Christ' typed out on a computer screen, you're in luck.As you learned in civics class, Jesus is the most important branch of the U.S. federal government. And so your afternoon editor wrote a couple of posts about That Dude yesterday and thought nothing of it. But according to a sternly written e-mail from Christ's publicist, who writes in a tongue that is not correct English, your afternoon editor has LIBELED Jesus and should probably be sent to jail. How does this person know the Most High (not talking about pot) is offended? Well, Jesus came to this person's "work place" and told him so. So there.


From: kjv[redacted]@live.com

Date: Wed, Sept 29, 2010 2:47 AM

Subject: Jack Stuef

To: jack@wonkette.com

jack@wonkette.com

What's with all the disrespect towards Jesus Christ? Why, are you using Him as you want.

I was at my work place at noon, the middle of the day, God is not ashamed or not taking your abuse litely.

When the heavens opened like a curtain and I seen Jesus Christ, seated as six others gathered around HIM,

THE GLORY OF GOD ALL AROUND THEM, they were dressed in white gowns, they smiled and the heavens closed.

I tell you, all of you that are flipant about Jesus Christ at wonkette do me a favor show this letter to the rest of your presumpteous, arrogant,

monsters, have a laugh at this letter. Sarcastic, nymphs.

No wonder, wonkette does not allow comments. If you get down your soapbox, you might hear the Truth, and I don't care about politics,

it's your wicked abuse of someones name without regard to its value, that I'm bringing to your attention, even if it is in vain I had hoped

that you might have a conscious. You're keeping your boss and you happy with your 30 pieces of silver, what a way to earn a living.

Who were these mysterious six others gathered round? The Power Rangers and Dean Martin? Did they do a dance number before they went back in the clouds?

Also, your afternoon editor gets paid much less than 30 pieces of silver. How is he supposed to get these pieces of silver? Should he go on strike until Ken increases his rate to 30 pure silver Ron Paul coins a month?

Your afternoon editor has done this man a favor by sharing his letter. Now please, ye dear sarcastic nymphs, repent in the comments (that Wonkette doesn't allow) if you are "flipant about Jesus Christ." Only then will you be saved from a lawsuit for misuse of the Jesus.

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photo by Dominic Gwinn

There was a time, a few months ago, when everyone had written off Elizabeth Warren. Well, not me, because I am a fabulous genius, but lots of other people. The "very reasonable" talking heads on all the various news channels, the kind of people who used to say things like "Oh, we'd like universal health care too, but 'the people' will never go for it!" but who definitely did not actually want universal health care for any reason, and even the Trump campaign. Though, to be fair, the Trump campaign didn't think Trump had much of a chance of winning in 2016 either.

But now, as more and more people hear her speak, hear her plans, hear what she wants to do and how she wants to do it... Elizabeth Warren is rising up in the polls. She's a contender. In the most recent Quinnipiac poll, she was closing in on Sanders for second place nationally, and in California and Nevada polls, she's in second place.

And now, according to a report from Politico, the Trump campaign is now scrambling and panicking and... stalking her?

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Spinal Tap - Gimme Some Money

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4. MONEY.

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