Jesus Communicator Sends Us Poorly Written Cease-and-Desist Letter

News

September 29, 2010 02:53 PM

As you learned in civics class, Jesus is the most important branch of the U.S. federal government. And so your afternoon editor wrote a couple of posts about That Dude yesterday and thought nothing of it. But according to a sternly written e-mail from Christ's publicist, who writes in a tongue that is not correct English, your afternoon editor has LIBELED Jesus and should probably be sent to jail. How does this person know the Most High (not talking about pot) is offended? Well, Jesus came to this person's "work place" and told him so. So there.

From: kjv[redacted]@live.com
Date: Wed, Sept 29, 2010 2:47 AM
Subject: Jack Stuef
To: jack@wonkette.com
jack@wonkette.com
What's with all the disrespect towards Jesus Christ? Why, are you using Him as you want.
I was at my work place at noon, the middle of the day, God is not ashamed or not taking your abuse litely.
When the heavens opened like a curtain and I seen Jesus Christ, seated as six others gathered around HIM,
THE GLORY OF GOD ALL AROUND THEM, they were dressed in white gowns, they smiled and the heavens closed.
I tell you, all of you that are flipant about Jesus Christ at wonkette do me a favor show this letter to the rest of your presumpteous, arrogant,
monsters, have a laugh at this letter. Sarcastic, nymphs.
No wonder, wonkette does not allow comments. If you get down your soapbox, you might hear the Truth, and I don't care about politics,
it's your wicked abuse of someones name without regard to its value, that I'm bringing to your attention, even if it is in vain I had hoped
that you might have a conscious. You're keeping your boss and you happy with your 30 pieces of silver, what a way to earn a living.

Who were these mysterious six others gathered round? The Power Rangers and Dean Martin? Did they do a dance number before they went back in the clouds?

Also, your afternoon editor gets paid much less than 30 pieces of silver. How is he supposed to get these pieces of silver? Should he go on strike until Ken increases his rate to 30 pure silver Ron Paul coins a month?

Your afternoon editor has done this man a favor by sharing his letter. Now please, ye dear sarcastic nymphs, repent in the comments (that Wonkette doesn't allow) if you are "flipant about Jesus Christ." Only then will you be saved from a lawsuit for misuse of the Jesus.

Jack Stuef

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Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Impassioned About Thing, Oh Sh*t RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

GOP men -- and the New York Post -- keep making fools of themselves.

News

The GOP-controlled Senate held a sham vote for the Green New Deal Tuesday. It was an entirely political spectacle. Majority Leader Mitch McConnell wanted to publicly divide Democrats and rally the conservative base while depressing the liberal one. McConnell only cares about power and the fossil fuel donors who keep him in it. He's a cynical sack of garbage.

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, who co-sponsored the Green New Deal, actually believes in things. It annoys her when Republicans can only manage weak-ass political stunts in response to climate change, which is both a real and a serious threat. During a House committee hearing prior to the Senate's travesty of a mockery of a sham vote, "Real World" alum and Wisconsin Rep. Sean Duffy basically dismissed environmentalism as an "elitist" pursuit.

DUFFY: If you're a rich liberal from maybe New York or California, [the Green New Deal] sounds great because you can afford to retrofit your home or build a new home that has zero emissions, that's energy efficient.

The current president is a billionaire from New York, but Republicans are still pushing the "limousine liberal" narrative. Yes, only "rich liberals" from the land of Jews and queers care about climate change. Meanwhile, rich conservatives go sport hunting and send rhinos back to God postage due.

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NRA Opposing 'Violence Against Women Act,' Because Stalkers Need Guns, Too

No, really.

Guns

It's getting more and more difficult these days, what with the never-ending stream of mass murders, to adamantly oppose common sense gun control laws. Even the NRA is taking a step back and keeping its dumb mouth shut when it comes to Democrat-led votes on background checks and other gun control measures.

And Republicans are not very happy about it.

Why? Because they've got a bit of a symbiotic relationship with the NRA, whom they count on to rally public opinion against gun control laws and also give them a bit of cover for voting against them. Democrats propose gun control laws, the NRA asks its members to call up their representatives to say they're against it, and then those representatives get to say, "It's just what the public wants." That's how things are supposed to work.

One anonymous Republican lawmaker from a "solidly red district" complained to the National Journal that without the NRA pushing its members to call and complain, he now gets an equal amount of calls from those who are for and against these laws, and that's just not right! How is he supposed to pretend that the public is opposed to gun control laws if the NRA is not out there trying to make it look that way?

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