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Let's be clear about something right here: There are a lot of Republicans flat-out lying about what's in the Carter Page FISA warrant applications, because they know they can get away with it on account of how none of their base voters are willing/able to read things for themselves. But only one Republican flat-out lying about it just got named in a new class action lawsuit alleging he protected a sexual abuser sports doctor at Ohio State University who allegedly sexually attacked at least 1,500 college wrestlers.

That guy is Jim Jordan, congressman from Ohio.


His tweet:

Nope! On all counts!

First of all, you stupid conspiracy-theory-believing moron crapsack piece of shit, the FISA app says nothing about the credibility of the dossier. You just made that one up while you were ignoring some sexual abuse, ALLEGEDLY.

As for the second, the FBI totally fucking told the court where some of the intel came from. Now, Jordan is right that the app didn't say HILLARY CLINTON, because that's not how FISA apps are written. They don't name Americans, because the FBI/DOJ and the rest of the intelligence community go to great lengths not to UNMASK American citizens named in such documents. (Ask your buddy Devin Nunes about UNMASKING, you flagon full of lobotomized turkey jizz.)

So unless Jordan is saying four FISA judges appointed by Republicans were too DOY DOY DOY DOY DOY to know that the two candidates running for president in 2016 were Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton, his point is invalid and he should resign immediately for the crime of being too stupid for Congress.

Here's that screenshot:

As for the third, everybody knows Chris Steele eventually started talking to the media, or what Jim Jordan refers to as "leaking," because Jim Jordan is a moron. But as Fusion GPS co-founder Glenn Simpson stated to Congress, and as these documents -- the source documents that Jim Fucking Jordan is apparently too goddamned stupid to read -- confirm, Steele started talking to the media precisely because he was worried what was going on at the FBI, specifically that the bureau was giving WAY too much attention to whether Hillary Clinton exchanged emails about yoga on her private server, and not enough attention to the information he was giving them, about a giant conspiracy between the Trump campaign and Russia to steal American democracy.

Here is a screengrab from the application that debunks both Jordan's last point AND his first point, because apparently God doesn't want us to have to waste too much time on Jim Jordan's brainless, trifling, unpatriotic ass:

Hope this little explainer has been helpful, Jim Jordan!

Now go ignore some more sexual abuse!

Or, you know, don't.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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