Biden’s Secret Campaign Weapon? Trump’s Stupid Face At His Stupid Rallies.
President-elect Joe Biden stomped Donald Trump's sorry ass but good, which Trump has trouble accepting graciously. You'd think someone whose businesses went bankrupt six times would have grown accustomed to failure, but this latest one was public and humiliating. Trump has claimed for months now that Biden is a senile old man who commands an antifa army from the comfort of his wood-paneled basement. Trump repeatedly told his aides, "Oh, wouldn't it be embarrassing to lose to this guy?"
President Sore Loser is now hiding from his embarrassment in a haze of lies and garbage conspiracies. He keeps insisting there's no way Biden won more votes than "Barack Hussein Obama." Trump's obsessed with Obama, who's his superior in every measurable way, and it kills him that he's lost to someone he considers no better than Obama's flunky. But that's what happened, and it's delightful.
Trump's spare idiot son, Eric, questioned why anyone would believe the evidence that's clear in front of their non-Trump-shaped faces.
Eric Trump probably also still wonders how that turtle beat the hare with his boring, slow-and-steady pace. Hugo Chavez must've rigged that race, as well.
What Trump's second failed attempt at reproduction doesn't grasp is that Trump was the sitting president, and the 2020 election was a referendum on his overall horrific performance. Biden correctly stayed out of Trump's way, as Trump face-planted into the coronavirus. Trump, who according to MANY (INCLUDING HIMSELF) has a track record of forcing himself on people, assumed that traveling the country, spreading COVID-19, and broadcasting his know-nothing bigotry would guarantee him a second term. It was as if he was oblivious to the anti-Trump sentiment that fueled the 2018 blue wave.
Hyper-partisanship is a double-edged sword. Trump amped up his own base, but he also motivated the majority of Americans who thought he sucked. According to an NBC News deep dive, Trump might've made things worse for himself wherever he took his traveling Klan circus.
Comparing Trump campaign stops over the last two weeks of the race to election results shows that in the overwhelming majority of cases, Trump underperformed his 2016 margins in the counties he visited, in some cases by large amounts.
There were 30 Trump campaign stops in that period, according to an NBC News tally, in states from Arizona to Nebraska to Pennsylvania. In five counties that Trump visited he saw better results than he did in 2016, but in the remaining 25 his margins of victory got smaller, his margin of defeat grew or the county flipped Democratic.
During the last two weeks of his doomed campaign, Trump held five hate rallies in Michigan, where he incited a mob against Governor Gretchen Whitmer, whose approval ratings were consistently higher than his. He had a rally in Lansing, during which he called Whitmer a “disaster" as his adoring crowd of moral defectives chanted “Lock her up." Come Election Day, Biden beat Trump in the city's Ingham County by more than 32 points -- 5.5 percentage points worse than Trump lost it in 2016.
He pulled the same crap in Oakland County, when he called on the Department of Justice to investigate Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and Ilhan Omar, neither of whom live in Michigan but are both brown. He lost Oakland by 14 points, almost twice as bad as in 2016.
Trump held a final rally in Grand Traverse County, where he boasted, “If we win Michigan, it's over." He did win this county, but by just three points. That's a nine-point drop from 2016. He also didn't win Michigan, despite his most desperate, post-election impeachable offenses. It's over.
Trump fucked himself up some more in Pennsylvania. He underperformed his 2016 margins in every county he visited during this endless campaign's final two weeks. On November 2, he defiled Biden's home town of Scranton, and his pettiness resulted in him losing Lackawanna County by more than eight points, a five-point decline from 2016.
C'mon, man, that's worth a few laughs from the basement.
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Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He writes reviews for the A.V. Club and make believe for Cafe Nordo, an immersive theatre space in Seattle. He's also on the board of the Portland Playhouse theatre. His son describes him as a “play typer guy."