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Joe Manchin Endorses Susan Collins, If You Were Wondering What's New With Those Losers

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Joe Manchin really likes Susan Collins. Who cares if he's a Democrat (kind of) and she's very much a Republican? They're both longtime Senate colleagues, and Manchin is a political dinosaur from the Caucasity Age. Those were simpler times when everyone in Congress got along because they were all white, hung out at the same country clubs, and didn't disagree over each other's essential humanity.

During her first Senate race in 1996, Collins pledged to serve just two terms. She's either a liar or can't count, but Manchin still thinks she's good people so he's already endorsed her for re-election in 2020. This is a strange thing for a Democrat to do, especially since defeating Collins is a key step in Democrats' narrow path to regaining Senate control. Why else does Manchin think we put up with him? It's a numbers game, and unfortunately California gets as many senators as Wyoming. Doesn't he want to be in the majority? He could co-chair the Energy Committee with a bag of coal.


MANCHIN: I would go up and campaign for Susan Collins. If she wanted me to, I would campaign for Susan Collins. For America to lose somebody like Susan Collins would be an absolute shame. I feel that strongly about her.

We feel you, AOC media.giphy.com

Dude, we don't blame you for wanting to leave West Virginia. We recommend timing your campaign trip around August. That's when all the best people summer in Maine. Maybe Collins can fix you up with some of that sweet lobster. It might seem like a good old boy senator from West Virginia wouldn't be much help in a state so far north it's practically Canada, but the rural part of Maine where Collins needs to run up big margins is a lot like West Virginia. It might actually be West Virginia in a “Twilight Zone" twist.

Collins didn't actively support her BFF Manchin's own recent re-election campaign against Patrick Morrissey. She probably saw no decent long weekend opportunities in West Virginia. Besides, Republicans only really talk about bipartisanship. Democrats are the ones dumb enough to go and do it. Manchin isn't alone: Beto O'Rourke refused to campaign against road tripping bro Will Hurd during an election where it was vital to democracy that the GOP lose the House. Hurd narrowly beat his Democratic challenger. Hurd for his part has said that he'll vote for Trump in 2020 even if Beto is the nominee. No hard feelings, though. He promises that on their next road trip, he'll absolutely chip in for gas.

Generally speaking, Republicans never support Democrats, even those they claim to like personally. Jeff Flake was chastised for endorsing Doug Jones in Alabama's US Senate race, and Jones was running against a mall-cruising sex predator. Manchin doesn't even know who's opposing Collins in 2020. Maybe he got a tip that longtime Maine resident Pennywise the Dancing Clown is considering running. Collins is at least marginally better. Although for the chance to remove Mitch McConnell from power, we might give Pennywise another look.

Collins is relying a lot on out-of-state help. She's raised more than $1.1 million so far this year, but just 1 percent of that came from people who actually live in Maine. During the same period in 2012, in-state donations made up 41 percent of her total haul. We wouldn't mind her accepting non-local campaign contributions, but when it comes time to confirm a Supreme Court justice, she claims she only has ears for her "true" constituents. That's just donation without representation.

Women Democrats have been team players and held their noses while Manchin stunk up our caucus with his lousy record on abortion rights. Now he's publicly endorsed a pro-choice Yankee. That's not really a demonstration of country or friendship over party. It just means that even in West Virginia, they realize that Collins is a fraud who'll continue rubber stamping Trump's anti-abortion judges like any good Republican.

[Politico / Roll Call]

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He recently fled Seattle, where he did theatre work for Book-It Rep and Cafe Nordo.

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