Joe Miller Almost Hijacked a Plane One Time

In the closing days, it's time for Joe Miller to warm up the voters with his compassionate beard hairs, so in a local teevee interview, he reveals that he was teased incessantly in school because he stupidly fell face-first onto the floor one time and busted up his lip. "It had a pretty significant impact on me for the first several years of my life, so much so that I ended up mowing lawns in order to make enough money to have a little surgical operation to cut that off -- you can still see part of it on my lip," he said. Once this child bought himself full and beautiful Hollywood plastic-surgery lips, he was ready for the Senate or something. But getting bullied in school has a lasting effect on people. And especially Joe Miller, because he once tried to board a flight with a loaded gun.

When asked what the worst thing that would surface about his past is, Miller took a moment to respond.

"The very worst? I guess we'll do a tell-all. I walked into the airport with a loaded .45 and went through security -- this happened several years ago," Miller said.

Miller said he simply forgot he had put the gun in his carry-on bag, and wound up paying a fine.

You know, he stashed the gun in his carry-on so that he could shoot bears out his window on the car ride to the airport, probably. Normal, everyday stuff.

So it was Joe Miller who almost did 9/11, but it would have been one of those good, Teabagger 9/11s, like that time that guy flew a plane into an IRS building. Live free and retarded or die. [ KTUU via Wonkette operative "William E."]