Yesterday, we had a sad becauseThe New York Times reported that the late Sen. Daniel K. Inouye was the unnamed senator who grabbed Kirsten Gillibrand's stomach and warned her not to lose any more weight, because "I like my girls chubby." But today, we're much less worried that the deceased senator from Hawaii and WW II hero was the responsible party. Not because any new information has surfaced, but simply because Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzezinski have decided they just don't believe it, since Daniel Inouye obviously wouldn't have done that.

Thrill as the two MSNBC morning show hosts sift through the evidence:

"I think that I remember getting pinched by Strom Thurmond and thinking it's Strom Thurmond," Morning Joe host Mika Brzezinski said. "I don't know —I don't buy it. I don't think it was him. I'm sorry."

"You don't buy that?" Joe Scarborough responded.

"I don't buy that," Brzezinski said. "May I say that?"

"So you think somebody on her staff's trying to blame the dead guy so they don't like, starting asking the live guy?" Scarborough asked.

"Come on, don't put this on me. Do you buy it?" Brzezinski asked.

"No I don't buy it for a second," Scarborough said.

Now, lest you think that this exoneration is little more than an exercise in uninformed denial based on nothing whatsoever, pffft. Mika consulted with Scarborough and panelist Willie Geist for the definitive opinion on a dead senator who they knew could not be capable of grabbing a lady's midsection and opining on her weight (based on whether they would do such a thing, which is a reliable standard to use when speculating on other people's behavior):

"Do you buy it Willie?," Brzezinski said. "Would either of you feel comfortable grabbing my tummy right now? Would that be appropriate?

When both gentlemen agreed that they wouldn't dream of violating MSNBC's sexual harassment policy by doing such a thing, Brzezinski declared the case closed:

"And that's by the way, part of the process. Making sure that nobody can do that and if they do you call them out. Sorry," Brzezinski said.

We can hardly wait to get started on our scholarly vindication of Charles Lindbergh, because we always admired him until we found out about that whole anti-Semitic cozying up to the Nazis thing. But now that we're quite certain that we'd never do such a thing, we're pretty sure it's time to clear Lucky Lindy's name.


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Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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Robbin Young. Fair use so we can all see the boob picture she sent to her 12 true loves.

Robbin Young starred in the Roger Moore masterpiece For Your Eyes Only as the seventh female lead, "Girl in Flower Shop." She also starred in a bunch of Playboys, and the DM's of a humble Romanian hacker who stole her heart. But he was not a humble Romanian hacker, he was 12 Russian military intelligence officers in a trench coat. And now Young has shared those DMs and pictures of her buzzies with the Sun, because that's the one that's fookin' classy.

See how she loved! See how Guccifer ghosted her ass! See how she loves him (them) still! See how she was all up in Seth Rich and shit! (We think Young's judgment might not be awesome.) Also she wrote this "erotic poem," and we're going to need you to read it.

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And now it is time for your weekly reminder that in the Trump era, FUCKING APESHIT OUTRAGE WORKS.

On Monday, Donald Trump, the transactional president who for some godforsaken reason sees Vladimir Putin has his one true father, discussed making an Art Of The Deal with Russia that involved letting Robert Mueller interrogate the Russian spies who hacked America in 2016 (with Russian supervision, of course, in Russia) in exchange for sending Putin whichever American citizens hurt Putin's poor fragile butthurt pansy-ass feelings the past several years. One of Putin's targets is Michael McFaul, the former ambassador to Russia, whom Putin just hates. Hillary Clinton isn't on the official list yet, but give it a few weeks.

On Wednesday, Sarah Huckabee Sanders looked at reporters and told them Trump's people were considering the idea, but hadn't decided yet, because it's so hard for the Trump administration to decide how many treasons to do per week.

But hooray! The White House has decided that, after literally every American with a patriotic bone in his or her body said, "THE FUCK YOU SAY," they will not send Americans to Putin's gulag after all. The Washington Post reports:

The White House announced Trump's opposition Thursday as the Senate prepared to vote on a resolution telling the president not to honor Putin's request, which would have exposed former U.S. ambassador Michael McFaul, among others, to Russian questioning.

"It is a proposal that was made in sincerity by President Putin, but President Trump disagrees with it," White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders said in a statement.

Oh my fucking Lord, Shuckabee, did you really type that Putin's offer was "sincere," or did Donald grab the statement after you finished with it and add those words in illiterate Sharpie in the margins, along with "DOES NOT MEAN PUTIN IS NOT MY BEST FRIEND" and "NO COLLUSION"?

By the way, that resolution passed the Senate with flying colors:

WOMP WOMP, Trump! Sorry American freedom and democracy stepped all over your dick again! Guarantee it's gonna happen again! Go fuck yourself! Enjoy the 48 Big Macs you have for dinner tonight! Don't talk directly into the soccer ball Putin gave you, 'less you want it to talk back to you in Russian!

OK post over.

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[Washington Post]

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