John Boehner Declares Congressional Gym Essential, Head Start Not So Much

While Republicans hold pretty much the entire U.S. of America hostage until the Usurper-in-Chief agrees to defund himself back to Kenya and stop personally paying to keep that Museum o' Muslims open with all that money he made from his autobiography written by Bill Ayers, we have an excellent opportunity to find out exactly what is and is not essential to keeping us USA! USA! No. 1!!!!!. Like, cancer treatment for The Children^TM? Nope, not essential . Head Start, the program that educamacates those same The Children? Also nope . The members-only congressional gym where you can imagine -- if you are a masochist -- Paul Ryan P90Xing toStairwaywhile Rep. Virginia Foxxxxxxxx gets her squats on? Why yes. Yes, that is essential :

A House aide confirmed to ThinkProgress that the House member’s gym is open. The House gym features a swimming pool, basketball courts, paddleball courts, a sauna, a steam room and flat screen TVs. While towel service is unavailable, taxpayers remain on the hook for cleaning and maintenance, which has been performed daily throughout the shutdown. There are also costs associated with the power required to heat the pools and keep the lights on.

But lest you think Boehner's decision to keep his private gym open on the taxypayers' dime is a real selfish bastard dick move, think again. He understands that only the most essentialest of essential functions of the government must be funded right now. That's why he's sticking it to his own staff -- for 'Merica:

According to the aide, the decision to keep the gym open — even while other critical government services were shelved — came directly from Speaker Boehner’s office. Meanwhile, the staff gym available to Congressional staff has been closed.

Of course, maybe this is because Boehner did not want to have angry unexercised House members storming the gym like those World War II vets and figured he might as well keep the gym open. And it's not as if it costs that much anyway, unless it does, we don't know, because that information is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, America -- for "security reason." But it's not as if Boehner's being totally not fiscally conservative -- no towel service becausethatwould be ridiculous!

On the other hand, maybe he could have shuttered the gym and just waited for some nice do-goody billionaires to make a donation to keep the gym running, like they did for Head Start:

A philanthropic billionaire couple pledged up to $10 million in an effort to fund Head Start programs that could no longer operate due to the ongoing government shutdown, officials announced on Monday.

Gosh, with priorities like that, it sure is hard to understand why a new poll shows Americans' hatred of House Republicans is setting new records. Oh wait. No it isn't.

[ Think Progress ]