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Nope, that's not how that works


Remind us again: Are we supposed to pretend Ohio Gov. John Kasich is one of the cuddly not-so-bad Republican presidential candidates? It's so hard to keep track these days of who the Serious Candidates are. Kasich did reluctantly allow the poors in his state to have some sweet Obamacare dollars, so long as they promised not to call it Obamacare. And he thinks he read somewhere that the 14th Amendment says if you are born in America, that means you are A American, which proves he is a cuckservative or a RINO or however the Kool Konservative Kids are slurring each other these days. Also, like his Hispanicish rival Jeb! Bush, he thinks Hispanics are pretty OK, actually:

"A lot of them do jobs that they're willing to do and, uh, that's why in the hotel you leave a little tip," said Kasich before a small group inside the Shady Canyon Golf Club, nestled in a gated Irvine neighborhood.

Kasich went on to tell a story about his stay at a hotel in Los Angeles in recent days.

"This lady wrote me in my hotel there in L.A. She wrote this note. It said, 'I really want you to know that I care about your stay.' Is that just the greatest thing?" he said. "So, you know, we can learn a lot and she's Hispanic, 'cause I didn't know it at the time, but I met her in the hallway -- asked her if I could get a little more soap,” said a chuckling Kasich.

Guess this is why he ran up to Columba Bush after Wednesday night's debate and gave her a shiny nickel. For being a great Hispanic.

Do we really have to do this? Yes, damnit, we really have to do this. Because, as the L.A. Times notes, "Kasich is among the more moderate Republicans" on immigration issues. Why?

He supports a path to legal status for the estimated 11 million people in the country illegally. Kasich, who served in Congress before he was elected governor, also supports the completion on construction of a wall along the U.S.-Mexico border.

So, basically, Kasich gets a gold-plated "moderate" medal because he does not want to self-deport all the brown rapists and murderers back to wherever, unlike most of his Republican rivals. Oh, right, and he's vaguely aware of what the 14th Amendment says, but only vaguely, because when rightwing radio host Laura Ingraham told him he was wrong, he got all confused in his brain:

Well, I think if you’re born here, my understanding is, I thought it was in the 14th Amendment that says equal protection—if you’re born here, you become a citizen. Am I wrong on that?

No, Governor, you're not wrong, it's all the other Republicans who are wrong, but god forbid you say that and call them out for it. Sure, you're trying to verrrrrry carefully do some GOP outreach to those Latino voters, but on the other hand, you wouldn't want to risk alienating those nice white conservative voters who are pretty damn sure the Bible says NO ANCHOR BABIES.

Does Kasich get even partial credit for at least trying to say a nice thing about a Hispanic lady who gave him fresh towels? No, fuck him. Kasich was speaking in California, a majority minority state, home to 14 million Latinos, and if he wants any of them to vote for him in the Republican primary, he should probably read up on how not all 14 million of them work in the service industry. Hell, Kasich was telling this story, like, right next door to Rep. Linda Sánchez, chair of the Congressional Hispanic Caucus, of which, by the way and FYI, many other Latinos from California are members. Did Kasich go around giving them tips too, when he was in Congress, for being good Hispanics?

Naturally, Kasich's campaign has explained that no no no, Kasich wasn't suggesting tens of millions of Hispanics in America are worthy of our respect -- and a tip! -- because of how they clean up after us real good. He was just speaking generally about the hospitality industry:

When asked to expound on the governor's remarks, a spokesman for Kasich, Chris Schrimpf, insisted that the candidate was merely talking about the hospitality industry.

"He was talking about how great the service was and how we should respect everyone in our society, no matter what their job or position might be," Schrimpf said.

Sure, and except for how Kasich felt it was necessary to mention that the hotel maid was Hispanic, even thought that's not what he was talking about (even though it obviously is what he was talking about), we'd totally believe Kasich was simply trying to praise low-wage workers of all Mexican backgrounds for doing shit jobs. Heck, that's why Kasich is such a strong advocate for increasing the minimum wage for those exact workers:

“It’s very important that we don’t raise the minimum wage willy-nilly and we end up throwing out of work the lowest and the most unskilled workers,” Kasich said Sunday on “Fox News Sunday.” [...]

Kasich was responding to a question about an interview earlier this month with MLive in Michigan, where he said that a potential minimum wage increase should be “reasonable.”

“Have it be reasonable,” he said, when asked where he stood on the minimum wage debate.

“Because you could have unintended consequences if you start imposing a high wage, which could actually lead to fast-food restaurants putting in kiosks and middle-management people being upset that they can't get a raise.”

Yeah, that was sarcasm, in case you hadn't noticed.

Sure, praising the Hispanic hotel maid and suggesting you give hospitality workers some spare change from your pocket is a little nicer than smearing an entire population of millions of people as criminals who need to be removed immediately, if not sooner, to Make America Great For White Folks Again. But only a little.

[L.A. Times / Breitbart]

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Photo by Wonkette operative 'Zippy W. Spincycle'

Last week, Yr Dok Zoom talked a little bit about his damn dissertation, which looked at "Wabbit Literacy," the weird thing where we sometimes learn about the world from parodies and jokes long before we ever encounter the original stuff -- like learning about opera from cartoons. More than one person in the comments (which Wonkette does not allow and yet, like life, you find a way) mentioned they were disappointed, as kids, to learn that while roadrunners are real birds, the actual critter looks nothing like this:

Which is not to say that real roadrunners are the least bit disappointing, as animals go, because they're freaking incredible. Yes, even if they don't actually leave lines of flame down the center line of desert highways and go "Meep! Meep!" But they can sprint up to 20 miles per hour, which is faster than you, albeit slower than a real coyote's top speed. Also, yes, real coyotes are among the predators what eat roadrunners, which is why the wily birds adopted the evolutionary strategy of running right through fake tunnels coyotes paint on the sides of mountains.

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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