John Kasich: Math Is Stupid. The Moon Is Stupid. Votes Is Stupid.

Yes, he actually said that.

What in the name of Buckeye Chuck (official groundhog of Ohio, #statefact) is John Kasich yipper-yappering about now? Oh, just the tyranny, of things like math and votes and democracy and the moon and other things that chap his cornhole, he doesn't know and we don't either. CNN's Alisyn Camerota had a very simple question for Kasich: Donald Trump might not reach the 1,237 delegates he needs to get the nomination at the Republican convention, but he could, right? Numbers, John Kasich. How do they work?

Everything is mathematically.

We are off to a rollicking fucking start.

How many times can we float around the moon or something, mathematically? Who cares about that?

Did John Kasich go to Woodstock? Was there acid there at the time? How many acids did he eated, in terms of mathematically?

He’s not going to have enough delegates. He’s gonna go there without enough delegates. And let me tell you, we have had ten Republican conventions, and only three times of those ten has the front-runner ever been selected at a convention.

Oh OK now we get it. All the things are mathematically and just because you can float around the moon a bunch of times doesn't mean Donald Trump is going to get all the delegates, like as if, WHAT THE FUCK IS HE TALKING ABOUT?

Now, lest you think Kasich is teaching us a very important fact about how there have only been 10 Republican conventions in all of recorded history, and hardly ever is the actual frontrunner chosen, we will offer Tommy Christopher's explanation over at Mediaite, that Kasich is probably saying there have only been 10 contested Republican conventions. That's different.

Now, we've established that math is stupid and the moon is boring as fuck. What else sucks, J-Kay?

I want to tell you one other thing. You know, in politics, people think the only thing that matters are votes, and fundraising. There is something else that matters in politics too, and that is giving people hope that America can be a better place. That matters, too. The message matters very, very much to people, many of whom have lost hope, who ... say thank you for what you've done for me.

Hope! Get some! He's not clear on how many Hopes equal one Delegate at the convention, but pfffffft we're back to math, which is for dorkwads who don't have Hope or Kasichmentum.

[contextly_sidebar id="8vRV6bmUPL7pAwzjGFTrIr2rwjzbHJ3S"]Look, we know most of this already. We knew Kasich has this fantasy that Donald Trump's glorious penis will come up, ahem, short on delegates at the convention in Cleveland. We know Kasich believes that, faced with such a situation, all the gun-humpers and the Christian cake bakers and the meth smokers and the wide stance poopers and the diapertime sexxxers and the bathtub government drowners who make up the GOP will throw their Spam-sticky paws in the air, first in confusion, and then immediately to embrace Il Moderato, the reasonable savior John Kasich.

We just didn't know his pipe dream involved an actual war against arithmetic. And the moon. And votes.



Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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