Guy who pushed family separation sure hopes it won't have to be used too much.

Goddamned bigot John Kelly gave an interview to National Public Radio that aired on Friday, and you will be shocked to learn that he is doing his very best to suck up to the goddamned bigot he works for, carefully pointing out that, in contrast to those lying reports of Kelly calling Trump an idiot, Donald Trump is actually "Very smart -- a very, very smart guy. I mean a super smart guy." See? It's on the record, so Trump won't fire him, maybe. But hey, about that goddamned bigoted stuff:

When the conversation with NPR reporter John Burnett turned to immigration, Kelly did his best to portray himself as a decent, "compassionate" kind of guy, and (in an unaired portion of the interview transcript) Kelly even managed to sound fairly reasonable while discussing the 300,000 Haitians, Salvadorans, and Hondurans who have resided legally in the US since natural disasters hit their countries. He said that those who have been in the US on Temporary Protected Status (TPS) for a "considerable period of time" should be given a pathway to citizenship, although of course Congress would have to pass legislation to enact that. The Trump administration, of course, isn't about to do anything for those people, since Homeland Security announced in January -- against the advice of US diplomats -- that Salvadorans and Haitians would have 18 months to get out or be deported (Hondurans' TPS ended last week, starting their own 18-month deadline). So while Kelly thinks it would be nice if Congress would help them, he's not exactly pushing for any mercy on their behalf from the executive branch: Donald Trump could renew TPS with a signature, but suddenly, as with DACA, it's Congress's job to fix the mess Trump created.

As for DACA, Kelly once again put the blame on Congress, as if he hadn't been the one who blew up the bipartisan deal the Senate took to the White House back in January. He just can't believe Democrats aren't willing to sacrifice future legal immigrants forever in order to help DACA recipients:

[This] president wants to get [DACA recipients] out of limbo and get them into heaven. But it is astounding to me with all of my interactions with the Hispanic Caucus, the Democratic Caucus, all of that that when this stuff was served up on a silver platter they did nothing.

Then Burnett got to the administration's exciting new policy of charging all immigrants who cross the border illegally with a federal misdemeanor, which means ICE takes their kids away and puts them in juvenile shelters until their parents are tried -- yes, even for people who are seeking asylum and are found to have a credible fear of persecution. Kelly may have been aiming for something less inflammatory than Trump's "They're bringing drugs. They're bringing crime. They're rapists" talk, but made it clear we don't need those people in our America anyway:

Let me step back and tell you that the vast majority of the people that move illegally into United States are not bad people. They're not criminals. They're not MS-13. Some of them are not. But they're also not people that would easily assimilate into the United States into our modern society. They're overwhelmingly rural people in the countries they come from – fourth, fifth, sixth grade educations are kind of the norm. They don't speak English, obviously that's a big thing. They don't speak English. They don't integrate well, they don't have skills. They're not bad people. They're coming here for a reason. And I sympathize with the reason. But the laws are the laws. But a big name of the game is deterrence.

Burnett pushed Kelly on the family separation policy that Kelly had first floated when he was the secretary of DHS:

Burnett: Family separation stands as a pretty tough deterrent.

Kelly: It could be a tough deterrent — would be a tough deterrent. A much faster turnaround on asylum seekers.

Burnett: Even though people say that's cruel and heartless to take a mother away from her children?

Kelly: I wouldn't put it quite that way. The children will be taken care of — put into foster care or whatever. But the big point is they elected to come illegally into the United States and this is a technique that no one hopes will be used extensively or for very long.

Then, if the government doesn't lose track of the kids, they can be reunited with their criminal parents and shipped back to where they came from, and be killed by gangs.

Look, the USA simply doesn't have room for people who don't speaka the English. People like the second wife of one of John Kelly's own great-grandfathers:

Or, for that matter, another of his great-grandfathers:

Get real. That's all ancient history. Surely a bunch of ill-educated people who don't understand the basics of our modern scientific age could never fit in and become REAL Americans? At least the ignorant, barely literate people who are born here have the good sense to vote for Donald Trump.

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[NPR / NPR / Jennifer Mendelsohn on Twitter]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.

Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

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