Goodbye trolldick (acting) director of national intelligence Ric Grenell! And hello, trolldick (confirmed) director of national intelligence John Ratcliffe!

Yes, the Senate actually did it, because why the fuck not. America is burning and dying in a pandemic, might as well drive another nail in the coffin. The Senate voted Thursday, along party lines, to confirm Ratcliffe, the idiot wingnut congressman from Texas, for the DNI position, even though it says right there in the law that the DNI must be somebody with "extensive" national security experience. How much of that does Ratcliffe have? Um. Well. Hm. Yeah.

But Ratcliffe is a human doorstop, and he gives Donald Trump the ass-kisses he likes, so why not him!

What Ratcliffe lacks in experience, he makes up for by manufacturing his resume, which is why his nomination got derailed last time Trump tried to install him in the DNI position. Last time Trump nominated Ratcliffe, even Republican senators were not a fan. Last time, it was NOT OK to have a DNI who lied about prosecuting terrorists and allegedly arresting 300 Mexican terrorist rapists in a single day. Now it is fine. Susan Collins says it is fine, because she voted for him, therefore it is fine.

SHUT UP, PHILIP BUMP, IT'S FINE!


John Ratcliffe was the mayor of Heath, Texas, population 8,000-ish, so we are sure he will be a fine person to oversee the nation's 17 intelligence agencies. We are in the middle of a pandemic that's killed almost 100,000 Americans (confirmed, so far), we are in an election year where Russia is most certainly absolutely currently mounting an attack to help re-install Trump, and America is more alone in the world than ever, as Trump has abandoned our allies and played kissy-kissy with dictators. What could go wrong?

Trump has been enamored of Ratcliffe for a while now. He thought it was just really impressive all those moons ago when Ratcliffe questioned Robert Mueller, as he cleverly shouted that nobody should be "above the law," but accused Mueller of putting Trump "below the law," whatever the hell that meant. Ratcliffe accused Mueller of violating every rule in the book (which book? don't know), and he just seemed generally mad that Mueller had even written a report about his beloved president. Around the same time, Ratcliffe went on Fox News and said Mueller's report was actually written by "Hillary Clinton's de facto legal team."

Later, during the House's impeachment hearing with Ambassador Bill Taylor, Ratcliffe angrily huffed that if Democrats insisted on saying Trump extorted Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy to benefit his re-election, or that Zelenskyy obviously felt pressured, even as he was publicly saying he wasn't, then YOU ARE SUGGESTING TRUMP IS A LIAR! It was funny, because even Republican congressmen know Trump is a pathological liar. The fact that Ratcliffe meant to say mean Democrats were calling Zelenskyy a liar is irrelevant.

Point is, Ratcliffe kissed a lot of presidential ass to get this job. Like, you know that thing about how Mike Pompeo is a heat-seeking missile for Donald Trump's ass? We are just saying Ratcliffe probably can tell you exactly what that it feels like when that missile races past.

A while back, the Washington Post ticked off a couple more fun facts about what Ratcliffe belives about life:

  • He thinks the FBI is BIASSSSSS against Trump, that there is a "secret society" there to bring down Trump, and seems to cosign the theory that Russian meddling in 2016 might have been more helpful to Hillary Clinton than it was to Trump.
  • He is totally down with Attorney General Bill Barr's campaign to investigate the investigators, so basically Ratcliffe's confirmation just puts another Trump-sucking sycophant in a position of high power to entertain Trump's grievances and lick Trump's wounds for him, and oh yeah, turn the national security state into Trump's little plaything, even more than it already is.

John Ratcliffe also follows QAnon Twitter people, because sure why not. Director of NATIONAL INTELLIGENCE, y'all.

At Ratcliffe's confirmation hearing, he promised he wouldn't "shade the intelligence." He didn't say what other verbs he would do to it, but if he's anything like his immediate trolldick predecessor Grenell, we are sure Ratcliffe will efficiently stomp on the last shreds of credibility the United States intelligence community has left. Are you excited for whatever comes next after the own-goal of "Obamagate"? You will surely love whatever John Ratcliffe has in store! (It should be noted that part of the reason the Senate probably said OK to Ratcliffe this time is that Grenell was so much worse.)

Marco Rubio, who is currently leading the Senate Intel Committee in Richard Burr's absence, commented on Ratcliffe's confirmation:

Senator Marco Rubio, [...] said that he was "confident" that Mr. Ratcliffe would lead the agencies "with integrity" and stressed the importance of having a permanent director approved by the Senate.

"In a time when the threats to our nation are many and varied, it is critical to have a Senate-confirmed D.N.I. ensuring the wide array of intelligence agencies are sharing information across lines, coordinating capabilities, and are all working in the furtherance of the same strategic aim," Mr. Rubio said.

That's reassuring. Give us real facts, Democratic Senator Ron Wyden:

"He has demonstrated that he is so eager to serve power, he will twist that truth," Mr. Wyden said in a speech before Thursday's vote. "And he demonstrated this again and again."

Like we said, he got the job by licking Trump's ass, and that's how he'll keep it.

November cannot come fast enough.

[New York Times]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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