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Jon Stewart Beats The Crap Out Of The NFL, Risks Two-Game Suspension (Video)

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Jon Stewart went after the NFL's spate of domestic abuse scandals Wednesday, reviewing the league's initially lax treatment ofRay Rice and Greg Hardy, followed by indefinite suspensions -- but only after public outrage at the mild penalties. "It's the kind of firm decision making we've come to expect. From people who don't know what the fuck they're doing." But don't worry, the NFL hired a panel of four women to advise them on domestic violence policy. "So we're done here." Stewart noted that a business has to be in pretty bad shape "when you have to appoint your own in-house Special Victims Unit."


All that was before he got to the story of Adrian Peterson being charged for beating his 4-year-old with a tree branch. Obviously, the NFL will need to set up a panel of children.

Here's a tip for any pro football players out there, curious as to whether or not they may be child abusers: You can’t do something to a four-year-old that you are not allowed to do to a 300-pound lineman in a helmet and pads.

Stewart is ragey and hilarious as only the best comedy born of horror can be. Just about every line is brilliant -- there's even a Fermat's Last Theorem joke in there. And just to add to the insanity, the segment was taped at just about the same time that news of yet another NFL player's arrest on domestic violence charges.

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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