Jon Stewart is just as thrilled as anyone about the brand new war/not war against ISIS in Syria, leading with a clip of CNN's Don Lemon and Alisyn Camerota breaking the news: "We've been waiting for this moment for weeks and here it is tonight!" burbled Camerota, leading Stewart to exclaim,

Ooh, it was so anticipated! It was the iPhone 6 of wars! It’s expensive, a little bigger, a little more unwieldy than you thought it was gonna be. It’s at least a two-year commitment. (Sigh) Kinda feels like you just fucking got the last one... But, on the bright side, at least it's not the watch.

And what about the ISIS response? Well! In addition to urging followers worldwide to kill any infidels at hand -- especially "the spiteful and filthy French" -- ISIS also called John Kerry an "uncircumcised old geezer," which struck Stewart as disturbingly specific.

Further, the attacks introduced a new member of the Evil League of Evil, the Khorasan Group, which American officials say is "far more dangerous than ISIS." This was a hell of a surprise to Stewart:

What the fuck? You just told us that ISIS was like if Godzilla and the Devil fucked on a bed of Ebola! What do you mean, it’s more dangerous than ISIS?

Also, there's the wonderful Jessica Williams explaining why this war isn't a war. It's a "counter-terrorism strategy involving open and declared armed conflict, OK?" "War" is such an ugly word.