Jordan Peterson Thinks Fetish Porn Is Real Life

Content Note: Nudity, sort of?

One rule I have about my writing (and my social media, unless it is in the middle of the night) is that I really try not to write anything about anyone or any subject I am "Bitch Eating Crackers" about.

Once you hate someone, everything they do is offensive. 'Look at this bitch eating crackers like she owns the place.'

Why? Because whenever anyone gets like that or gets a hate boner about someone or some topic, it tends to make them more likely to believe things that sound good but aren't true and prone to hyperbolically relating that person or thing to anything else they think is bad in hopes of creating a Universal Theory of Suckage that they somehow believe will help everyone understand how bad that person and/or thing is. It's a good guardrail to have, I find.

But you know who does not have that guardrail? Canadian psychologist and author Jordan Peterson. Jordan Peterson is a straight-up basketful of hate boners, largely for the Left, trans people, social justice movements, drag queens, vegetables, critical race theory, "the liberal media," feminists and probably a bunch of other things I'm forgetting. For example, he is so mad about the concept of social justice, he tried to start a Twitter fight with the Pope because the Pope said poverty was bad and people should do something about it.

Like I said, the man is just an absolute basketful of hate boners. This makes him hilariously prone to falling for trolls and misinformation, along with drawing the most hilariously bizarre conclusions from practically any news item in existence.

On Saturday, Peterson quote tweeted a video of a bunch of men lying in hospital beds with pumping machines attached to their penises. The person who originally tweeted it implied that this was some kind of official state-sponsored breeding program happening in China, and Peterson wrote, "Such fun in unbelievable techno-nightmare CCP hell."

Except the thing is, this was not a Chinese jerk store producing sperm for the motherland, it was a fetish porn video. Of something called "dick milking." There is nothing in the video (if you want to see it, it's here) to actually suggest that it had anything to do with China, and within a half hour one Twitter user was able to find the actual porn it was from.

This is far from the first time a conservative has confused sexual fetishes with real life. There was the cuckold thing, the "kids are identifying as cats and using litter boxes in schools" thing, their entire attitude towards trans people and insistence that it's a sex thing when it's not (probably because red states consume the most transgender porn), the tradwife thing, the spanking thing and so on. Clearly, sexual repression has consequences.


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Now, I am not terribly fond of the Chinese government for a variety of human rights-related reasons, but I'm not so excited to totally pwn them that I would look at this video and draw that conclusion. I also think the horrific labor conditions, illegal occupation of Tibet and violent oppression of the Tibetan people, ethnic genocide of the Uyghur people and other human rights violations are very clearly a lot worse than whatever it is Peterson imagined was happening in this fetish porn video. Though I suppose that someone so virulently opposed to social justice would not actually be bothered by any of those things.

On top of this, Peterson also fell for a troll tweet from someone claiming to be a "detransitioner" (a person who thought they were trans, got treatment and then decided they weren't) featuring pictures of the vlogger Shoe0nHead — a particularly awkward choice as she clearly presents as female in both pictures. But it fit a narrative that Peterson and others like him so desperately want to hear, about people being socially pressured into transitioning because of how it is the cool thing to do and then later regretting it and going back to the gender they were assigned at birth.

When I was 18 I took male hormones so I could fit in better with my group My group encouraged me to take TRT and ruin my body, and it destroyed me This is not uncommon #DetransAwarenessDay #DetransitionAwarenessDay Me at 18, trans // me at 24, detrans It does get better

It's a tough narrative to be so thirsty for — while there are over a million trans people in the United States, there are scant few detransitioners, particularly ones who fit that particular storyline that he finds so delicious. Rather than the "I was socially pressured by woke people to be something I wasn't!" story, a 2015 study found that the vast majority of those who do permanently or temporarily detransition (meaning that they actually started with or completed medical transitioning) do so because of actual societal pressure "including facing too much harassment or discrimination after they began transitioning (31 percent), having trouble getting a job (29 percent), or pressure from a parent (36 percent), spouse (18 percent), or other family members (26 percent)."

Peterson also got mad at CNN for reporting on Germany allowing women to swim topless in public pools just like men and was in fact so enraged by the "pathetic virtue signaling" that he couldn't even finish typing out a sentence normally. "Absolutely everything you do CNN is pathetic virtue signaling," he wrote, adding "ThankGodnyiirndays are nimbered," by which we assume he meant "Thank God your days are numbered."

See what I'm saying? When you become sour inside, when you're just so desperate to create that Universal Theory of Suckage, when you become naught but a seething pile of rage, when you want so badly for people to take your word for it that the people you think are bad are really bad, lashing out at a world that refuses to accept your belief system as the ultimate truth, you make stupid mistakes and you embarrass yourself. And for those of us capable of being embarrassed (Jordan Peterson not likely being one of us), that's a bad thing.

Peterson initially started on all of this because he got in trouble with the University of Toronto for refusing to use a student's preferred pronouns in class. Let us graciously hope that he will someday be able to overcome the incredible trauma of having been told to treat his students with a basic modicum of respect and stop being an asshole. It's the least we can ask of anyone.

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Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse


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