Somebody wants to be on Trump TV!

Out of all the hacky hacks in the Beltway media, one of the hackiest hacky hacks is Mark Halperin. He wrote that awful book, Game Change! And he's been doing some truly AMAZING shilling for Donald Trump over the course of the past year. Way back in March, Halperin said on the "Morning Joe" program that Trump is more talented as a presidential candidate than Barack Obama. He said it was impossible for Trump to be racist against that Mexican judge, because "Mexican is not a race." He thinks it was just super mean of the New York Times to release that hilarious lawyer letter in response to Trump's toothless threats to sue the paper for libel.

Now, everybody is laughing at a truly pathetic, kiss-ass, fan boy interview Halperin did with Trump on Wednesday, after Trump hopped off the campaign trail to go to the "grand opening" of his shitty hotel in Washington. Instead of giving you a transcript of Trump's words -- because fuck him -- we'd like to just give you some of the questions Halperin thought, in his hack journalist brain, would be good to ask Trump.

  • Would you be surprised to hear Hillary Clinton has already criticized the hotel?
  • People who say this was a great Trump speech, as far as you're concerned, they're all great?
  • You've redefined how candidates talk about polls. Some polls now you're winning. (!!!! - Ed.) Some you're behind. We've got a new poll where you're up in Florida. What's your general sense of where you are in the battleground states? Florida, Iowa, Ohio?
  • What do you want the American people to know about the message out of [the leaked John Podesta Wikileaks emails]?
  • Are you a little under the weather?
  • No, you're feeling good! You're closing strong, you think!
  • I've never met a presidential candidate who didn't get sick!
  • You were criticized yesterday for not necessarily explaining how healthcare works well enough. Do you want to revise and extend what you said?

As to the answers, Trump's speeches are all good, but some are different from each other; Trump is going to win; Trump feels healthy and yoooge and wonderful; and no, Trump does not want to revise and extend his idiot comments on Obamacare, because they were already perfect.

Presumably, after he asked these questions, Halperin begged Trump to take a selfie with him and record the outgoing message on his home answering machine, because douchewads like Mark Halperin probably still have those. Then he fell asleep and had sweet, sweet dreams about how maybe one day he can work for Trump TV and get away from all the snobby liberal elite journalists at MSNBC and Bloomberg who make fun of him and say he's even stupider than Chuck Todd. Meanies!

PS Mark Halperin makes one million dollars a year, the end.

[The Daily Beast]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

Donate with CC
Screenshot NRATV

DING DONG THE WITCH IS ... quite likely to land on her feet. But for today, the New York Times reports Dana Loesch is out of a job, the latest casualty in the war between the NRA and its longtime advertising company Ackerman McQueen. But every cloud has a silver bullet lining, since Dana will have more free time now to spend on her favorite hobby. We can't wait to see which cartoon character she photoshops Klan hoods onto next. Maybe she'll branch out and start putting Nazi armbands onto Buzz Lightyear. Oh, we would be so triggered!

As one of the most visible characters on NRATV with literal hundreds of viewers for each of her fascist rants, Dana Loesch was a tireless advocate for the gunhumpers lobby, always ready to call out "tragedy dry-humping whores," threatening to "fist" or perhaps "fisk" the New York Times, and expressing her hope that the Mueller Report would die in an "AIDS fire."

Keep reading... Show less
Donate with CC
Photo by Dominic Gwinn

With the first Democratic debate coming up tonight (join us here for livebloog, dummies!), Elizabeth Warren is out with yet another policy proposal, this time to guarantee that all Americans have the easiest possible access to voting in federal elections. A good bit of it overlaps with the House Democrats' proposal, earlier this year, to guarantee voting rights. But Warren goes even beyond that ambitious plan a bit, because she is a badass who wants elections to be fair and free from computer hacking -- and from less exotic forms of fuckery. Needless to say, her insistence that all Americans should be able to vote will be decried as some kind of power grab, because that's what it is: a plan to grab power away from the Republicans who have engineered electoral advantages well beyond their actual support among Americans. You can see the bumper stickers now: FAIRNESS ISN'T FAIR.

Keep reading... Show less
Donate with CC

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)


©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc