Judge Judy Rules Joe Biden Not Fit To Lick Mike Bloomberg's Shoe
Judith Sheindlin, who AP style dictates we should call "Judge Judy" on second reference, just endorsed Michael Bloomberg for president. This further upends the incredibly fluid Democratic primary race that Joe Biden has consistently led. Although the Judge Mathis endorsement will truly decide who's the Democratic nominee, this is still a big "get" for Bloomberg.
Judge Judy filmed a campaign ad for Bloomberg that we can expect to see everywhere because Bloomberg enjoys setting his money on fire like the Joker. It's called "Judge Him".... because she's a judge, you see. Look, we just report the titles. We're not responsible for them. Let's take a look.
Judge Him | Mike Bloomberg 2020 www.youtube.com
Yeah, that was certainly moving pictures paired with audio. Judge Judy claims "no one comes close to Mike Bloomberg's executive achievement, government experience, and impactful philanthropy." Former vice president Joe Biden, who was senator for almost a full Buttigieg, might disagree with the "government experience" point. Judge Judy just slid that one in between two mostly true statements, as if she was making a bullshit sandwich.
JUDGE JUDY: [Bloomberg's] steady leadership will unite our country and bring us through these very challenging times.
Every candidate says they're going to "unite the country." Wake me when a Democrat doesn't run on a "Love, American Style" platform. Judge Judy is a New York City native and probably has fond memories of Bloomberg from his 27 years as mayor. No one ever stopped and frisked her, so Bloomberg's New York was just a smoke-free paradise. Last October, she wrote a "draft Bloomberg" op-ed for USA Today. She praised the former mayor for his hippie positions on gun control and climate change. So, it's not like she's only backing him because he won't tax her super yacht -- yes, she has a super yacht. The "super yachts" are the ones that defend regular yachts from Elizabeth Warren, Bernie Sanders, and Thanos.
Judge Judy has an estimated net worth of $420 million. They say this makes her one of the "wealthiest judges of all time." I think they mean "wealthiest TV judge," because actual New York judges who preside over cases longer than 30 minutes make about $200,000 a year. Judge Judy stopped by The View Monday morning to talk up Bloomberg. She was rocking a red leather jacket like a boss. Bloomberg should've put his billions into a Judge Judy candidacy. He doesn't look that good in red leather.
Judge Judy explains her endorsement of Michael Bloomberg | The View www.youtube.com
When Joy Behar brought up that Biden does have a pretty damn impressive resume, a very excitable Judge Judy -- seriously, was there a tiger loose in the studio, just off camera? -- explained why Biden's vice presidential experience was doo-doo.
JUDGE JUDY: Either you're the president of the company or you're the vice president of a company. If you're the president, the buck stops where you are. You can be a number two man. Number two man is nice. They go do their business.
BEHAR: It's a big number two.
JUDGE JUDY: It's a big number two. It's still not the responsibility of governance.
Damn. If Biden's the nominee, I don't think Judge Judy will have a speaking slot at the Democratic National Convention. She probably just made him cry.
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Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He's on the board of the Portland Playhouse theater and writes for the immersive theater Cafe Nordo in Seattle. Tickets are on sale now for his latest Nordo collaboration, "Curiouser and Curiouser," an adaptation of "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" and "Through the Looking Glass." It promises to feel like an actual evening with SER (for good or for ill).