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Alabama's Roy Moore is very worried. His state has had the gay forcibly crammed down its throat, and as much as he's tried to swallow, he just can't, you guys, he CANNOT.


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And it is not just about the gays anymore, there is a greater threat looming, one that could throw a whole new daisy chain into the gears of Christian marriage, and it is the bisexicans and the transgenders, who will all have to marry multiple people to sate their wanton urges:

"You're taking any definition of a family away. When two bisexuals or two transgendered marry, how large is that family? Can they marry two persons, one of the same sex and one of the opposite sex? Then, you've got a family of four or how many?"

First of all, let us get this out of the way, Alabama Supreme Court Chief Stupid, the correct term is not "transgendered," it is "transgender." Likewise, it is not "bisexual," the correct term is "FUN."

Also, we are always amused as we can be by wingnuts who completely misunderstand what "bisexual" means. Now, editrix Rebecca DID point out in the chatcave that "bi" can be confusing, as "biweekly" can mean both "every two weeks" and "twice a week," but this is different, this is about sexytime. So quick explainer for Captain Dumbass: Bisexual people are humans who are attracted to all of the fifty-seven genders, but when they choose to marry, they tend to choose ONE HUMAN to marry, one who is one of the genders they like, which is ALL OF THEM KATIE. Also, we do not understand why he put the transgender people in there, "trans" can mean a lot of things, but it definitely does not mean "two." Maybe he has been reading about the Two-Spirit people in the Native American literature and is worried that both spirits will want to gay marry other spirits, who will also have to marry two spirits apiece, and goldurnit, that is just too many people on a mortgage!

Roy also says, yet again, that he is No George Wallace, not because this is different from the Civil Rights Movement, but because George Wallace was too much of a quitter to keep standing in the schoolhouse door, he probably had to go pee or something, and everything was ruined:

Moore said there is another difference.

"George Wallace moved," he said, noting how the former governor eventually stepped aside.

"I can't move from my position because I'm bound to uphold the Constitution," Moore said.

Haha, Roy will not be like that wussy George Wallace, he will stand in the courthouse door FOR EVER!

It is going to be so sad/funny watching this pathetic man grow old, what with how Alabama is actually really, truly a gay marriage state now, and soon all of America will be too, and his entire life has been a waste, oh well, all the homosexuals in the world should ask Roy to personally conduct their marriages, as a joke, and while they're at it, get this bitch to make them some flowers.

[AP/Right Wing Watch]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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