Justice Kennedy About To Quit SCOTUS, According To Full-Of-Shit GOP Senator

doesn't look like a quitter to us

Hot breaking news about SCOTUS Justice Anthony Kennedy, the swing vote guy! Except it didn't come from Anthony Kennedy, or his spokesperson, or even one of his Bible study buddies, assuming Kennedy attends Bible study like all good Christians do. It came from GOP Senator Dean Heller of Nevada, who will likely quit the Senate in January of 2019 after a good ass-whoopin' by whatever Democrat beats him. (If he doesn't get primaried first.) Politico got the pee tape audio tape of Heller's remarks:

“Kennedy is going to retire around sometime early summer,” Heller predicted in Las Vegas last week, according to audio of an event he spoke at that was obtained by POLITICO. “Which I’m hoping will get our base a little motivated because right now they’re not very motivated. But I think a new Supreme Court justice will get them motivated.”

Oh golly, wouldn't that be helpful! If Donald Trump were given the opportunity to Gorsuch up the seat of the SWING VOTE, there might just be enough social conservative morons in Nevada who would come out and vote for Dean Heller! Except for DADGUMMIT, Hillary Clinton won Nevada by four points and how can Dean Heller steal Democratic votes if he's trying to get the wingnuts het up about Trump nominating new SCOTUS justices who will send all the abortions to back alleys where they belong? If you are interested in a long exposition of the very bad position Heller is in, please read Politico's entire piece about Heller's remarks in Las Vegas. If you do not fucking care, please skip it, because ZZZZZZZZZZ.

The thing about Heller's "prediction" is that it is probably not correct for one simple reason, which is that Justice Kennedy has already hired a full slate of clerks for the next term. They are named Aimee, Alex, Clayton 'n' Conrad, and they are surely very excited about working for Kennedy next year! As David Lat at Above the Law explains, hiring a full slate of clerks is not a guarantee SCOTUS justices are staying, because SCOTUS justices are fairly Honey Badger about pretty much goddamn everything, but it's kind of a fucking indication. Lat also notes that there sure have been rumors of Kennedy retiring for a whole lotta months, but thus far, they are just rumors, and we all know what they say about rumors.

Actually, we don't know what they say about rumors, but let's just say that until further notice, we are skeptical of Dean Heller's lies. And if we are right about Heller's lies, we will just close by noting that saying lies about Justice Kennedy's impending retirement isn't conclusive PROOF that Heller is a complete sack of shit, but it definitely supports that thesis.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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