Kamala Harris Denied Key Asshole Endorsement From Bill O'Reilly

Kamala Harris announced her presidential campaign on Martin Luther King Day, and Bill O'Reilly, who shouldn't be allowed to speak or leave the house during the holiday, immediately declared that she had "lost" his vote. In the alternate reality where O'Reilly would cast a ballot for a Democrat or a black woman or a Democrat who is also a black woman, what has Harris done to lose the right-wing blowhard's support? It's simple -- her job.

O'Reilly is incensed that California's junior senator fulfilled her constitutional duty to advise and consent during the Supreme Court confirmation hearings for Brett Kavanaugh, who was credibly accused of sexual assault. This is a subject close to O'Reilly's shriveled heart. He lost his job as biggest asshole on Fox News in 2017 after multiple accusations of sexual harassment. He reportedly referred to a black woman employee as "hot chocolate," because presumably she was physically attractive and her skin was brown. She also came with marshmallows.

O'Reilly argues that Senator Hot Chocolate, as a fancy pants former attorney general, should've "understood due process," which she "denied" Kavanaugh in front of the nation during what he describes as the "awful, terrible, scandalous, and disgraceful" hearings. He's really dragging Kavanaugh back onto that cross for more conservative martyrdom. The guy's sitting on the Supreme Court and despite all his whining at the time, he's still able to to coach girls basketball. Kavanaugh play-acted the victim while trying to save his nomination. Then he moved on, like how Robert De Niro lost all that weight after filming Raging Bull. It's unclear why O'Reilly is so full of raging bullshit over Harris grilling Kavanaugh (like a BOSS) and voting against him for pertinent reasons mostly related to his judicial awfulness. In fact, we weren't yet fully aware of Kavanaugh's personal grossness when Harris decided to pass on giving a lifetime Supreme Court seat to another right-wing hack.

The Constitution states that no one should be "deprived of life, liberty or property without due process of law." Nothing any Democratic meanie did to Kavanaugh qualifies as denying him "due process." The same stupid charge has been made against Senator Kirsten Gillibrand regarding gropey former Senator Al Franken. Not knowing what "due process" means is apparently a problem both liberals and conservatives share.

"Due process" is now a phrase people throw around to describe white guys not getting everything they want whenever they want it. O'Reilly once claimed that 17-year-old Trayvon Martin died because he'd made the fatal miscalculation of believing he was free to dress like a common CEO of Facebook.

O'REILLY: "The reason Trayvon Martin died is because he looked a certain way, and it wasn't based on skin color... If Trayvon Martin had been wearing a jacket like you are and a tie, Mr. West, this evening, I don't think George Zimmerman would've had any problem. But he was wearing a hoodie, and he looked a certain way, and that way is how gangstas look. And therefore he got attention."

See, Martin didn't die because he was black. He died because he was black and left the house on a rainy evening without his dinner jacket and a valid "safe negro" passport. Deranged racist George Zimmerman senselessly killed Martin, which is actually "awful, terrible, scandalous, and disgraceful." Kavanaugh just had his fee-fees hurt. His 2018 calendar, which he should keep in case he needs another bogus alibi, has a big circled date for "Supreme Court confirmation." We think he'll be all right.

The good news is that Harris doesn't need O'Reilly's help or approval at any point during this campaign. We look forward to the day when Billo the Clown has to call her "President" Hot Chocolate.

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He writes make believe for Cafe Nordo, an immersive theatre space in Seattle. Once, he wrote a novel called “Mahogany Slade,” which you should read or at least buy. He's also on the board of the Portland Playhouse theatre. His son describes him as a “play typer guy."


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