Big news! The Kansas governor's race is OVER, people. Paul Davis, the Democratic candidate who has been narrowly leading incumbent Republican Sam Brownback in most polls, is actually a sex criminal who was caught with a topless lady on his lap during a police raid on a strip club as recently as 1998! And the strip club, the Daily Caller ominously notes, is named "SECRETS." You have to wonder what other filthy sex secrets Paul Davis is hiding! Well, what's your lame excuse, Mister I Was Caught In A Strip Club Drug Raid?

“When I was 26 years old, I was taken to a club by my boss – the club owner was one of our legal clients,” Davis told Politico in a Saturday statement. “While we were in the building, the police showed up. I was never accused of having done anything wrong, but rather I was in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

While not charged with any crime in the incident that took place Aug. 5, 1998, the police reports of the event do not paint a flattering portrait for a man trying to defeat Republican incumbent Sam Brownback.

A 26-year-old lawyer went to a strip club without giving any thought to the possibility that just 16 years later he might run for governor? We are astonished and disgusted. Tell us more about this moral reprobate, please. (Ha! We said "bate!")

Police found him “in a somewhat compromising position… in a back room of the club” — alone with a topless stripper wearing only a G-string. Davis was forced to the ground at gunpoint by police after they interrupted his lap dance. He kept to his “sitting position” the first time he was requested to hit the floor and had to be ordered a second time to lay on the ground before complying.

The police raided the club on a tip that methamphetamine was being dealt on club property. The police report indicated Davis had no prior knowledge of drug activities at “Secrets.” Davis’ client, the club owner, was charged with selling methamphetamine after the raid.

In response to the strip club revelations, Davis called attention to an ongoing FBI probe of allegations that Brownback associates had been involved in an influence-peddling scheme related to the Kansas plan to privatize Medicaid. As if political corruption could possibly equal the sin of having a half-naked trollop shaking her bouncy parts at you!

“Kansans deserve better than a desperate smear campaign,” Davis said in his statement. “What they need is answers about what the governor knows about the unethical conduct of his chief political advisor and the ongoing FBI investigation into corruption in his administration.”

Yeah, yeah whatever, nerdboy. Boobies beat bribeys every time.

[Politico via Daily Caller]