Kari Lake Far Too Busy Governing Arizona To Be Trump's Running Mate

Kari Lake, text: Thank you president Trump, I am so honored to receive your endorsement

This weekend, Donald Trump won the CPAC straw poll with 62 percent of the vote. Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis came in second with 20 percent. No big surprise there — DeSantis didn't even bother showing up this year and convention attendees probably felt a bit snubbed.

DeSantis was also the runner up in the straw poll to be Trump's running mate, coming in with 14 percent, behind former (to us, anyway) Arizona Republican Gubernatorial candidate Kari Lake who won with 20 percent of the vote.

Alas, Lake's team says they are flattered, but she can't be vice president on account of how she is already the governor of Arizona. They wouldn't want to do something so unconstitutional — unlike declaring oneself governor of a state that did not elect them.

It's a very George Costanza move.

At this point, I am starting to be inspired by both Kari Lake and Romana Didulo, the lady who has convinced a whole bunch of people that not only is she the Queen of Canada, but that they no longer have to pay their mortgages or bills. It simply never occurred to me that I could just go full Emperor Norton and that other people would just ... go along with me. It's enough to make one wonder what else is possible. Like what if I want to be 5 foot 10 or a world champion figure skater? Or Cher. Can I be Cher?

Moonstruck snap out of it gifI would be so good at being CherGiphy

I could change my name to Dmitri and declare myself the rightful Tsar of Russia. Alternately, building on that theme, perhaps I could be the real Anastasia Romanov? I would also consider being pope, as that guy from Kansas who declared himself to be the real pope apparently died last year (there's a documentary, you are welcome). Or Princess Caraboo. There are many options, really, so long as one is willing — nay, determined — to completely ignore reality.

And speaking of ignoring reality, here are some more results from the CPAC straw poll:

  • 22 percent said they felt intimidated personally or professionally because of their patriotic beliefs
  • Only five percent said they would get the COVID vaccine in the future.
  • Only 39 percent said they thought Joe Biden was going to be the 2024 Democratic nominee, followed by Gavin Newsom with 21 percent of the vote and Michelle Obama with 14. Notably, one percent of respondents believed it would be Oprah Winfrey.
  • 95 percent think Donald Trump did a great job at presidenting.

That these people also think Kari Lake would be a swell vice president should shock absolutely no one.

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Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse


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