Keep Calm And Remember What Kind Of Clownass Idiots We're Dealing With

Well, that escalated quickly!

The networks, using math, judged on Saturday morning that Donald Trump was the biggest loser of the 2020 presidential race, and Joe Biden was the biggest winner. Voters overwhelmingly chose Biden. This isn't close like 2016. President-elect Biden and Madam Vice President-elect Kamala Harris accepted their prize on behalf of a relieved and celebrating nation on Saturday night.

Ever since, Trump has made clear that he DID NOT EITHER lose, he's not going anywhere, and you can't make him. Because America just totally wanted a third-rate coup for Christmas. Please remember to point and laugh at the insane person currently tweeting in all caps.

But maybe he is leaving, and maybe he is aware of that fact. Axios reported yesterday an exclusive scooplet what said Trump is quietly talking to aides about running for president in 2024, which would suggest that on some level he knows that starting January 20, 2021, he will not be the president. Lindsey Graham, Trump sycophant to end all Trump sycophants, is even telling Trump through the TV and the radio, while not actually acknowledging Trump's loss, that he should think about a 2024 run, because everybody loves a comeback kid or something. (Graham obviously has a lot to lose without Trump in the White House. He lost his boss when John McCain died, and now he's about to lose his boss again. Graham all alone in the Senate without anybody to obey with slavering devotion is lonely.)

Anyway, we are not here to comment on how difficult it might be to run a presidential campaign from Riker's Island, considering how a federal pardon can't protect him from New York state prosecutors. That is another thing we are here to point and laugh at.

But we wanted you to know that on some level, Trump knows.

But does he though?

Ohhhhhhh, he's acting like he doesn't know. His idiot legal team, led by a guy who just popped positive for coronavirus and known mind-wizard Rudy Giuliani, is filing increasingly more insane lawsuits in every state in the country, baselessly alleging voter fraud and other unnamed illegality in the conduct of the election. Their latest clown-ass lawsuit in Pennsylvania argues literally that voting by mail itself is unconstitutional. Very sane and very normal!

Trump has directed the General Services Administration, whose job it is to ascertain (legal technical term) the results of the election and officially kick off the transition process, to ignore the networks' call and keep the transition at a standstill. Trump's dumbass political appointee in charge, Emily Murphy, is obeying Trump's every wish and command. Likewise, the Washington Post reports that Trump has told other agency heads, in general, not to deal with the Biden transition team.

Trump fired Mark Esper, his Defense secretary, as well as the deputy chief at USAID and the top climate scientist in the government. We won't be surprised to see him get mad and fire CIA Director Gina Haspel and FBI Director Chris Wray next.

Did y'all hear that Trump's best boy John McEntee, AKA Hot Fascist Johnny, who runs the White House Personnel Office, is literally threatening White House employees and telling them they're going to get fired if they get caught looking for new jobs? (They are all looking for new jobs.)

He's certainly acting like he doesn't know he's leaving.

Oh yeah, and lest we forget, Attorney General Rightwing-Email-Forward strikes again!

Bill Barr sent out a memo yesterday telling prosecutors to please investigate all the voter fraud Barr hallucinated while snorting party drugs off Rudy Giuliani's sack, ALLEGEDLY. (Full Wonkette analysis HERE!) So that's insane and fascist, as usual, and a complete reversal of DOJ policy that says the department should not take any actions that could tamper with the results of an election. (And yes, this is tampering.)

It's indeed scary, and it's so egregious that the top elections chief at the Department of Justice, Richard Pilger, tendered his resignation immediately.

But also, gentle readers, please take a moment to remember how well Bill Barr's made-up investigations to appease President Shitmouth actually go. (Anybody still waiting for that report on OBAMAGATE or the nefarious Deep State origins of the Russia investigation? Yeah, we didn't think so.)

Also, if you read Barr's memo itself, you'll note that it specifies that such investigations should only be done if there are "clear and apparently-credible allegations of irregularities that, if true, could potentially impact the outcome of a federal election in an individual State." In other words, if there's evidence of something that could literally change the result in Pennsylvania, go for it! If not, then sorry, sir! Guess that one didn't pan out! Like the Durham investigation!

The memo also says that "specious, speculative, fanciful or far-fetched claims should not be a basis for initiating federal inquiries," which must have been a hard sentence to type without finishing with the word "RUDY."

Also there's this, from the New York Times:

Mr. Barr has privately told department officials in the days since the election that any disputes should be resolved in court by the campaigns themselves, according to three people briefed on the conversations. He has said that he did not see massive fraud, and that most of the allegations of voter fraud were related to individual instances that did not point to a larger systemic problem, the people said.

Oh. So maybe this is some more performative bullshit for Trump, to make him think people are really doing a coup for him. Barr is a fascist pig, but he probably on some level wants to just go retire (again).

Of course, nobody has shown any actual voter fraud or allegations of impropriety that would lead any reasonable person to believe the election results did not reflect the will of the American people, who hate the sitting president more than they've ever hated any sitting president in US history. Every time Trump's clown lawyers commandeer a garden center to provide an update on the voter fraud, they fail to show their work. (Judges, of all persuasions, notice it when complainants say the dog ate their evidence.)

Apparently there is a list going around the most incestuous internet corners of Outer MAGA-ville — so we assume Barr has seen it — purporting to be the names of 14,000 people in Michigan who voted while dead. Unfortunately for the MAGA idiots, CNN took a look at that list, pulled a random sample of 50 names, and found that out of those 50:

1. Thirty-seven are indeed dead, and did not vote.

2. Five are alive, and did vote.

3. Eight are alive, and did not vote.

Good voter fraud investigatin', MAGA idiots!

A new bullshit Trump lawsuit in Arizona regards fewer than 200 ballots, where Trump is losing by 15,000. That ridiculous lawsuit in Pennsylvania, what says voting by mail is unconstitutional? Manages to come up with only a mere handful of completely specious allegations, in a state Trump is losing by almost 50,000 votes at this point.

We'd like to direct you to an extremely informative thread on the reality of litigating voter fraud from Erick Erickson, yes that Erick Erickson, who actually has experience with the topic, about how insane it is for the Trump team to hang its hat on the notion that it's going to find/manufacture enough "voter fraud" to actually change the results of the election. Erickson brings the receipts. (Yes, that Erick Erickson!)

Erickson's thread concludes with the words, "All of that is to say Joe Biden is President-Elect of the United States and it is not going to change." (If you want to read about how the Trump team's clownass legal machinations are DOA from somebody a little bit less "Erick Erickson," Ed Kilgore has a good piece at New York mag.)

Donald Trump is leaving the presidency on January 20, 2021. Period.

We'd also like to direct you to a thread from noted brilliant Twitter law person and former FBI-er Asha Rangappa, entitled STEP DOWN FROM THE LEDGE, wherein she exhorts us to do just that, and lays out the case for why. You might want to bookmark it.

Rangappa concludes, "It feels scary, but the problem is they gambled on voter suppression, and lost. The courts can't help them under these facts. So all they have left are attempts to create chaos and panic in an attempt to get YOU to buy into their narrative. Don't. Let it play out. And breathe."

Point is, everything Trump and his minions are doing right now is obnoxious and un-American, but please remember the team of syphilitic brain clowns leading the effort on behalf of President Best Words. It's a ridiculous slog to trudge through, but why wouldn't we expect the Trump presidency to end as stupidly as it began?

And it will end. On January 20. When Joe Biden puts his hand on the Bible and swears the Oath of Office.

And if Donald Trump is still in the White House at that moment, lying on the floor and making his body go limp so it's really hard for Secret Service agents to pick up his voluminous ass and hurl it out onto the lawn, well, maybe they'll just have to rent a forklift.

[New York Times]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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