Here is a thing Trump campaign manager and future ??? Kellyanne Conway said, as quoted by Politico:

“I love them both [Ivanka Trump and Trump's husband, Jared Kushner]. The entire Trump family is unbelievable, except when I stand with all the Trump women somewhere and I feel like Cinderella before the ball,” Conway said Thursday on MSNBC’s “Morning Joe.”

Does she? Does Kellyanne Conway feel like Cinderella before the ball? Let's look at this Cinderella book, which is RIGHT HERE because SOMEBODY wants it read to her 14 times a day but there are too many words so we just make them up like "the birds are helping her make her pretty dress!" and "the cat is bad! bad cat!" and "look, doesn't Cinderella's stepmother remind you of Melon Trump?" and wonksplore!

Is it the part where Cinderella is beautiful and kind, and all the little birds of the forest and mouses of the houses help her to freshen up her dead mom's pretty dress?

Is it the part where the wicked stepsisters rip her dead mom's dress to shreds?

Is it the part where Cinderella is sad because, not to be looksist, but holy Jesus does she need a hot oil treatment?

Or is it the part where she is happy even though her dress is BLUE now when every girl knows THE PINK DRESS WAS BETTER because WHAT PART OF PINK DRESS DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND, but she is happy anyway because she is still the most beautiful person, and her evil Trumpsisters are going to get their feet chopped off and their eyes pecked out, if this were the REAL Cinderella and not the bullshit Disney version? (Just kidding, we love bullshit Disney versions, and we will watch bullshit Disney movies ALL DAY LONG, but they could definitely use more eye-peckings.)

We THINK what Kellyanne Conway was trying to say was that she felt poor and ugly next to the most beautiful women money can buy, Melon and Ivanka Trump. Except considering how often she denigrates the Trumps for her own ego, nah, probably not.

Also, the Trump boys could totally be Gus Gus and Jacque, but mice are not Nazis, so no.

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.


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