boeing chicago Christopher Suprun Evan McMullin gerrymandering joe biden justice department kellyanne conway kevin mccarthy Larry Lessig lockheed martin new york city pentagon pt News Brief Rouge Electors scotus Steve Russel wisconsin recount
Kellyanne Conway Really Needs A Job! Wonkagenda for Tuesday December 6, 2016
Morning Wonkers! We've got a nice long list of things of things to talk about today, so here's you're daily news brief to tickle your fancy bits while you wait for some of the things we might be talking about today!
- Republicans in the House aren't happy with Trump's tariff threat since it could start a trade war with China and while American companies decide to move overseas anyway as they just say, "Screw it," cross their hearts and and pledge alliance to the power and profits.
- After the Pentagon tried to find out how much it was spending on toilet seats and hammers, officials inside the Pentagon decided to bury an efficiency study when reports surfaced that the Defense Department was blowing more money than a drunk teenager with their parents' credit card.
- Seeing as how there probably won't be a White House press corps for her to reign over, Kellyanne Conway has SO MANY super great career moves she could make next month. KaC might just start her own booster club media group thingy for Donald Trump so that she can still get on teevee and make lots of money with kissy faces and excuses.
- While Trump was busy railing against companies moving overseas, Boeing and Lockheed Martin decided to manufacture fighters jets in India because, LOL, they're arms manufacturers and they don't care what you think!
- Old Handsome Joe Biden might run for president in 2020 and leave our hearts beating, and loins hot and sweaty. Oh, I do declare that I may have the vapors!
- The Supreme Court heard arguments on cases of racial gerrymandering in North Carolina and Virginia yesterday, two states that would NEVER violate constitutional mandates for racial equality. Nope. Never happened.
- At least one Republican elector (from Texas of all places!) will not vote for Trump in the electoral college because he thinks the Constitution provides an emergency exit, like all those times Texas tries to secede.
- Rogue Democratic electors are briefing Hillary Clinton's team on their plans to not vote for Donald Trump. Harvard Law prof, campaign-reform fetishist, and former presidential candidate (lol, for five minutes) Larry Lessig is offering a team of lawyers for the faithless electors who want to steal the election and give it to the nice lady (whose lawyers want nothing to do with this scheme) who won the majority of the vote.
- If your forgot about Evan McMullin, don't worry, so did everyone else. McMullin wrote an op-ed criticizing Trump for using an "authoritarian playbook" and saying he doesn't know anything about the Constitution. Wasn't that the point?
- Officials in the Justice Department have signaled they intend to protect Muslim American civil servants working under a Trump administration just like the secret socialist Manchurian candidates those career civil servants are.
- Wisconsin's recount MAY not change the overall turnout of the election but it's entirely possible that it could be the dawn of Judgement Day and usher in a war between man and machines loyal to Hillary Clinton. Come with Wonkette if you want to live.
- Congressional fundagelicals congregated on Capitol Hill for a town hall prayer meeting to drive Satan off the Hill, which is absolutely ridiculous as everyone knows that Satan and his spawn are still living in Manhattan.
- Oklahoma Republican Rep. Steve Russel says he has been given hints that the Trump administration will repeal LGBT provisions in the National Defense Authorization Act after his amendment to grant federal contractors the right to be bigoted religious zealots was righteously stripped away and left for dead on the floor of the House.
- New York City is asking the U.S. government for $35 million dollars to cover the cost of Trump just being in Manhattan because right now it's just protecting Trump with dump trucks, traffic congestion and harsh language.
- Chicagoans are nervous as Obama prepares to leave because many of the desperately needed infrastructure projects social programs keeping the city afloat have been kept alive by federal programs since the state of Illinois has been stuck in a budget gridlock for over a year, leaving billions of dollars slated for city schools and city workers pensions in question. Luckily, Donald Trump says he can fix everything in Chicago, including the soaring rate of homicides, in a week.
- Here's Samantha Bee with a bonus fun time about where we were, where we are, and why millennials are probably just going to stick all the old white people into nursing homes while we backpack around Europe for six months.
- And now, your morning Nice Time, a baby koala! If your heart isn't melting like butter on toast than you're probably part of the secret cabal of lizard people plotting to overthrow the government!