Kevin McCarthy Is The Hero Kevin McCarthy Needs Right Now

On January 6, after it was safe to do the people's business in the Capitol once the insurrectionist attack Donald Trump ordered was sort of contained, GOP House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy was one of the reps who still went ahead and voted to object to American democracy. Even after five people had been killed inside the Capitol. After that space had been violated by violent insurrectionists.

But don't worry, everyone, because McCarthy has clearly come to his senses and he is the hero we need right now. Or at least he is the hero HE needs right now. "Be the Kevin McCarthy you want to see in the world" was obviously on the minority leader's Affirmation Of The Day calendar, and he was like "OK!"

We know this because SOMEBODY has been talking to Axios. Is "somebody" a man by the name of Kevin McCarthy? Who could possibly say, but it sounds like he might have been one of the sources!

President Trump today privately — and falsely — blamed "Antifa people" for storming the Capitol, even though clear video and documentary evidence exists showing the rioters were overwhelmingly Trump supporters, Axios' Jonathan Swan reports.

Great, Trump spent the day of the attack obsessively watching it on TV, paralyzed by EXCITES! but also disappointed because the attackers looked "low class." Lindsey Graham is quoted in the Washington Post saying Trump did so little because "The president saw these people as allies in his journey and sympathetic to the idea that the election was stolen." But now he's decided the militia shaman QAnon white supremacist rednecks who followed his orders were "Antifa people." Indeed, he INSISTED that's what happened, in what Axios describes as a "tense 30-minute-plus phone call" yesterday morning. Great.

But who set him straight, Axios, WHO WAS IT?

McCarthy would have none of it, telling the president: "It's not Antifa, it's MAGA. I know. I was there," according to a White House official and another source familiar with the call.

Kevin McCarthy told Donald Trump the MAGA terrorists were MAGA terrorists, and he knows, because he was there. Kevin McCarthy also walks old puppies across the street and rescues old ladies from the tops of trees, we seen it, we were there.

The White House official said the call was tense and aggressive at times, with Trump ranting about election fraud and an exasperated McCarthy cutting in to say, "Stop it. It's over. The election is over."

Very nice of that White House official to tell Axios how exasperated Kevin McCarthy was! Kevin McCarthy is good. Kevin McCarthy is quick to give directions to lost travelers, and Kevin McCarthy always goes down.

[McCarthy] told Trump he should call Joe Biden, meet with the president-elect and follow tradition and leave a welcome letter in the Resolute Desk for his successor.

Kevin McCarthy is the best. Kevin McCarthy always says his prayers and gives away full candy bars to trick-or-treaters.

To be fair, it does seem McCarthy is at least trying to appear sober after he acted as a terrorist sympathizer last Wednesday. As The Hill reports, McCarthy also spent time on the phone with GOP House members yesterday, and specifically told the loon-ass paste-munching segment of his caucus to cool it with the "antifa" shit:

"McCarthy told all members on the call that he has been receiving FBI briefings and it is clear that antifa was not behind this," one source familiar with the call said. "That it was in fact right-wing extremists and QAnon adherents, and he urged members to stop spreading false information to the contrary."

Good for him, except for how last week McCarthy literally gave aid and comfort to American terrorists.

If you read the excellent Timothy Snyder piece in the New York Times on the "American Abyss" we currently find ourselves in (and if you haven't, you must), we can see that McCarthy, having spent last week playing the role of a "breaker" — a Josh Hawley-type figure who literally wants to destroy American democracy to preserve power — is now trying to convince us all he's just a typical GOP "gamer," a Republican content to game the American system we have to preserve power over the wishes of the majority. (There is a distinction!)

Axios reports further that McCarthy is suddenly freaked out about his own survival, after the Trump terrorist attack where he took the side of the terrorists. He really wants the GOP to retake the House, and he wants to become speaker when that happens. But all of a sudden these Republicans can't raise no money, because all the big corporations are cutting off their money for Republicans who support terrorism and openly hate democracy.

You know, lest you thought McCarthy was acting so heroically because he loves America again or something.

This is all about Kevin McCarthy. Fuck Kevin McCarthy.

[Axios / The Hill]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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