Kickstarter To Do Some Frickin' Club Drugs And Go To The Hobby Lobby Bible Museum

News

Oh. Mah. GAWD.


The evangelical Christian family that owns Hobby Lobby, the chain of craft stores, made history two weeks ago when the Supreme Court overturned the Obama administration’s mandate that family-owned companies must provide contraceptive coverage to their employees.

Now, the family is looking to build a permanent presence on the Washington landscape, by establishing a sprawling museum dedicated to the Bible – just two blocks south of the National Mall.

Oooh, kids, a Bible museum! Of Bibles! A whole museum of them! How does that not sound like the most fun EVER? And it only cost $50 million to buy the property -- which seems like sort of a lot of money for the Green family, who owns Hobby Lobby, to cough up, since they just finished telling us, like, five minutes ago how they cannot even afford to pay the penalty for opting out of health care coverage, but somehow they can afford $50 million, it must be a miracle!

But wait. There is more. This museum will NOT just be a big room full of books, sort of like a library, but with just one book, so it is not even a library, it is just a room with many copies of one book. Oh no.

Specifics of the exhibits have not been released, but the traveling show of Mr. Green’s collection offers some clues. It included theatrical experiences such as hologram recreations of biblical scenes, re-enactments of fourth-century monks transcribing the Bible by candlelight in St. Jerome’s Cave and a multimedia “Noah’s ark experience.”

Will there be a hologram Jesus? Maybe an Old Testament Pink Floyd laser show? Please pretty please? PLEASE?????

The museum has not been built yet but is expected to open in 2017, and we will SOOOOO be there, and we will do some frickin' club drugs and go to the frickin' museum and get high on Jesus and tell you ALL about it. Would you like that, kids? Then please send us money, and we will do it!*

*Since we cannot actually go to the museum for another three years, it is possible we will just spend your money now to do some frickin' club drugs in our own homes and skip the flight to DC, but you should send us money anyway because you love us. Also for Jesus.

[New York Times]

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