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Kids These Days Will Love Shopping At These Hip New Stores With All The Fetuses

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Every few years, it seems, evangelical Christians take a run at pop culture and hope they can co-opt the cool factor into awesome loving Jesus time. It usually works out pretty poorly. Remember Stryper?


Hey kids! If you like Van Halen but would like it to be not sexy and minus the epic guitar stylings of Eddie, Stryper is for you! Also, too, Jesus.

Of late, though, the culture warriors have opened up another front in the war for the hearts and souls of the youth, and it is a hip online boutique with the already-bored-now name of Heritage House:

I browsed their online shop for the hottest items in their surprisingly expansive catalog. From fetal models to STD-awareness rulers to a wide selection of T-shirts trumpeting their cause (including some with rhinestones), Heritage House has everything you need to spread the message of life and wear your evangelist heart on your sleeve...

That sounds like a fun way to spend a morning! The folks at Vocativ already found some cool DVDs and some inexplicable Skittles packages with inspirational messages. Skittles? Are Skittles all Jesus-y? Do you find the Lord in their tangy dental-work-wrecking chewiness? The kids these days, they have now already wandered off to rape prostitutes and torture people or whatever the latest edition of Grand Theft Auto now lets you do. If only there were better Jesus products at this link you could have saved all the children. Maybe try to open up like one million other Jesus stores?

[Malware at Happy; Link blocked for now]

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Corey Stewart, the Minnesota transplant to Virginia who's made protecting "Confederate Heritage" a top issue in his campaign for the US Senate, accused a nosy New York Times reporter of breaking into the apartment of one of his aides. It's a terrific accusation, because while there's no evidence at all and the story makes no damn sense, that doesn't matter at all to people who'd vote for Corey Stewart. They already hate the evil media and know those nasty reporters are capable of all the depravity in the world.

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Hey, remember that hilarious time when Paul Ryan and Kevin McCarthy got caught on tape joking that LOL, Donald Trump and Congressman Dana Rohrabacher were totally on Putin's payroll? WaPo got the goods:

"There's two people I think Putin pays: Rohrabacher and Trump," McCarthy (R-Calif.) said, according to a recording of the June 15, 2016 exchange, which was listened to and verified by The Washington Post.

Rep. Dana Rohrabacher is a Californian Republican known in Congress as a fervent defender of Putin and Russia.House Speaker Paul D. Ryan (R-Wis.) immediately interjected, stopping the conversation from further exploring McCarthy's assertion, and swore the Republicans present to secrecy.

It's funny 'cause it's true! ALLEGEDLY. Earlier this month, Congressman Lubyanka Rohrabacher told Fox reporter Elex Michaelson that DNC hack was obviously an inside job.

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