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I IS SMART.


There are several things we know about the Kim Davis case. For one, the Kentucky clerk is an obvious victim of the homosexual conspiracies, who will roast in hell if she gets gay on her by signing marriage licenses, because her God is the embodiment of love. Haha, just kidding, she is a pathetic douchekibble who needs to do her job or resign. PICK ONE, MADAM.

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We also know her lawyers at the Liberty Counsel, most prominently Mat Staver, are lying hypocrites and bad lawyers who don't as much fight for their clients as they fight for their (mostly white) Christian supremacist agenda. They claim to love "Constitution," but they only love "Constitution" when judges do what they say, usually because those judges are bad at "Constitution." Otherwise, they revert back to "We should get what we want because we say we love Jesus a lot, that means we're supposed to win." It's right there in the Bible, after the part about how slavery is #winning.

But let's focus on that "hypocrite" thing, because here's Mat Staver saying a lady who's an elected official should do her job, and if she's not willing to, then shoe horns and suck a penis, she should just quit, Glory Glory Hallelujah! He's not talking about Kim Davis though, LOL, of course not. He's talking about Annise Parker, the lesbian superhero mayor of Houston:

Annise Parker ... issued her left-handed support here, not so thinly veiled support, for a boycott of Houston, the city that she represents. [...] She is basically supporting, giving a wink and a nod to, some leftists are talking about having corporate boycotts of Houston and so forth.

Staver also says there should be a "buycott" (like this one!) of Houston, but for gay-hatin' wingnuts. We're sure the city would just LOVE that, having to play host to Duggar-type families, with their children fighting in public like, "MOM! Jinger said my walk with the Lord was weak!" and "MOM! Josh tried to finger me after the homeschool dance and I was like PEE YEW you're my brother!"

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As we so caustically gaysplained at you the other day, Parker only has a few months left in office before she goes wherever lesbians go when they're retired, and she's not pleased that Houstonians listened to squirrel-fellating fundamentalists claiming a simple nondiscrimination ordinance would lead to guys named Bruce dressing up in bad drag, sneaking into the bathroom, and diddling the ladies and the younger ladies.

For one thing, she knows that's stupid on its face and anyone who believes it probably should wear a helmet for their protection (ON THEIR 'GINAS AND MAN PARTS, SO THEY DON'T REPRODUCE). Oh and also, that whole thing about how everybody should be protected from discrimination in the workplace, in the public square, and all the other places, et cetera.

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So she wants to do something about it, because, CONSTITUTION FACT, civil rights really aren't supposed to be put up to a vote, no matter how badly the conservative Christians hate being throat-crammed with all that nasty tasting equality. And part of that is by helpfully urging the Houston business community to make like the Indiana business community, when confronted with a law that's Bad For Business, and raise unholy hell about it. Raising hell, by the way, is the Texas Way, as we learned from Molly Ivins, PBUH.

But awwww, sadface and shut the fuck up, Mat Staver doesn't like it. What was that thing we said about how they only like "Constitution" when it bends to their will? Yes, that.

So, we gotcha and you betcha, Mat Staver. Your dick-hopping adulteress of a client should get a pass from doing HER job when she's not willing to DO HER JOB. But Annise Parker, who's working well within her legal authority as the current mayor of the city of Houston, should resign if she won't do what the men on the religious right tell her to do.

Go fuck yourself, with the poorly translated, sticky-paged pop-up version of the Bible you think you believe in.

[Right Wing Watch]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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