EW GAY

If you are anything like All Patriotic Americans, you are at least morbidly curious to see what Netflix's new "Fuller House" re-up revival teevee program will be like. They are all growned-up now, and DJ Tanner (AKA Candace Cameron Bure AKA Kirk Cameron's dipshit sister AKA the real dumb white lady on "The View") will be the star!

She explained in a recent panel discussion that even though she is a ding dong gay-hatin' bigot in real life, she will not be playing one on TV:

[G]iven Bure’s outspoken stances on The View, more controversial topics were bound to come up. Asked if Fuller House might feature storylines about equal marriage rights – the original series, with its three father figures, came from a less accepting time – [executive producer Jeff] Franklin suggested it’s a possibility. [...]

Bure was asked outright about her willingness to appear in [a homogay] storyline, given her defense on The View of the baker who refused to sell a wedding cake to a same sex couple. She insisted she wasn’t arguing against same sex marriage. “I’m always defending religious freedom and that’s what I was talking about on The View. I didn’t describe my personal feelings about that,” she said.

She added that she is "100% on board" with doing gay-banging storylines, because she is A Actress.

[contextly_sidebar id="AjdMUKf6EeCJuiSr6LlFdQe6ukODvtGO"]And that's good, because we definitely don't want to see an episode where DJ is a Christian cake baker who bakes Christian wedding cakes, and she gay-bashes the shitfire out of queers who want cake, all in the name of "religious freedom," since actual lady Candace Cameron Bure said that sort of Christian behavior is part of "what makes our country so wonderful."

[contextly_sidebar id="M3DqV6sXK27WKbbYwXJrmcPOlPyVgRsy"]We also don't want to have to worry about an episode where DJ shames a gay for having the HIV, like Bure did in real life to Danny Pintauro. That would be a real asshole thing for DJ to do! Stephanie Tanner would be like "HOW RUUUUUUUDE!"

Bure's willingness to do lezzie-bone-bone stories will ALSO be great if they want to write an episode where Kimmy Gibbler transforms from the annoyingly plucky silly teenager who lives next door into a grown-ass annoyingly plucky Girl Next Door who wants to make scissors with her pal DJ's what-what-hole. That would be some TGIF TV, for definite!

Or maybe Uncle Jesse can come back and put dat ass to some good use this time around, like with a rugby team. What? That would be a perfectly valid plot twist. Uncle Joey would be all "Cut. It. Out!" but Uncle Jesse wouldn't because he would be too busy gettin' the "D." Then Bob Saget AKA Danny Tanner could lead a family meeting about communication and listening or whatever, there would be a real good Moral of The Story and the credits would roll.

This would be really good, wholesome family TV, don't you think?

[Deadline viaHuffington Post]