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Tennessee right now.


What did wingnut conservative types even do before they discovered the greatest insult in the whole world, which is to call anything you don't like "Just Like ISIS"? Easy question! They called things "al Qaeda" and "Hillary Clinton" and "Better Dead Than Red!" and all sorts of other things.

But now, the boogie man who hides in their closets, who is probably invading Texas right now via secret tunnels under the Walmarts, and making sweet "Allahu Akbar!" love next door to this poor woman in Wisconsin, is ISIS. So of course, when some enterprising homosexical kids in Winchester, Tennessee, started a gay-straight alliance (GSA) at their school, what was that just like? You guessed it!

In response to news that the GSA had formed, Winchester parent and business owner John Wimley launched a Facebook page calling for people to attend the next Franklin County school board meeting and "protect traditional marriage" by standing against the GSA.

"OK F.C. [Franklin County] if we do not ban [SIC] together and stop this B.S. the next thing you know they will have a F.I.M.A. (Future ISIS Members of America) #PutGodInSchoolsPlease," Wimley wrote.

Oh look, how nice! As you can see in the sign, dumbass bigot children with no breeding are gallivanting their pimply-assed bodies around the school defacing the nice gay flags and signs with things like "Straight Pride" and "no gays allowed," because awwwww, conservative teenagers are really stupid.

For those who have not yet been indoctrinated into the homosexual agenda, GSAs are high school clubs where gays and BLTs join with straights who like gays for some reason, and they have blood orgy buttsex festivals under the full moon with baby parts hors d'oeuvres from Planned Parenthood meetings, just like all the other school clubs. They probably do bake sales too, like a buncha queers.

Concerned Daddy Wimley added on Facebook that he believes religion AND gaysexualism should be kept out of the schools, so we're certain he's also going to lobby for the end of the Fellowship of Christian Athletes and Young Life once he's done protecting traditional marriage from those gay kids. Any second now.

Of course, that parent was not the only one throwing around "THIS IS JUST LIKE ISIS!" comments. One idiot, whose name we will not reproduce because punching down at helpless idiots is mean, had a Real Good Question:

What would be your opinion on a group initiating an ISIS club @ FCHS? Allow it so they don't become the next suicide bombers?

Well, if a high school club helped the future ISISes of America decide to be not quite so bomb-y, maybe it WOULD be a good idea!

This homosexual assless chaps assault on Our Christian Values is also no fair because if gays and lesbitransbians get to have cute flags and signs, then everybody will want cute flags and signs:

Others argued that because some teachers have posted rainbow flags in their classrooms indicating that they're LGBT allies, people should also be allowed to display rebel flags, Christian flags, "Panther club" flags, white pride flags and gang symbols.

Hmmmm, sounds like somebody's still upset about the Confederate flag's untimely death last year, awwwwww, RIP MOTHERFUCKERS.

So of course this is all playing out the usual way. Gay-loving homocrats are boycotting the nice concerned Daddy's business (with their OWN Facebook page), and the TV news is bringing cameras and interviewing the nice gay children and the trans fat-bathed rednecks who don't like them.

Kudos to these kids for having the balls (and labia, because we are A Ally) to persevere with their little Golden Girls fan club, deep in the rural heart of Dixie. Back in our day, we had to watch Golden Girls uphill both ways in the snow in the basement with a flashlight. THIS IS PROGRESS.

[The New Civil Rights Movement]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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